


I can't feel my face when I'm with you (but I love it)

by seasonschange



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe, Angst, Booty Calls, Bottom Bucky, Coming Out, Complete BUT last chapter is in bullet points format, Dry Orgasm, Fluff, M/M, Marathon Sex, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Nymphomania, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, Sappy, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Sparring, Top Steve, cop bucky, it's not steve's fault it's the serum, maybe some plot later, modern!Bucky, modern!bucky & cap!steve, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-05-02 00:21:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5226746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasonschange/pseuds/seasonschange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Afraid I might kick your ass, big guy?”</p><p> The idea is so incongruous that Steve lets out a loud, derisive snort before throwing a <i>'you gotta be kidding me'</i> look at the man over his shoulder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LostTheBucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostTheBucky/gifts).



> Originally published somewhere on tumblr, where I cry over modern!Bucky and cap!Steve on a daily basis.
> 
>  **Visual aids:** Steve at the beginning of the chapter  
>   
>  Bucky  
>   
> Scott Lang  
>   
> Cassie Lang  
>   
> Luis  
>   
> 

* * *

It's a quiet and uneventful Saturday morning. Earth is safe, nobody's been trying to kill Steve in the last two days and he's pretty sure he's got an opening with Pepper's new assistant, or at least he hopes he's read all his signals right. He  _does_ have to cross check with Natasha from time to time because people in general, not just gay men, have really brought flirting to a whole new level and Steve sometimes struggles to keep up. 

He's thinking of maybe asking the guy out on a date, next time he's got to meet Tony or Pepper at Stark Industries. Next week, maybe. Or he could ask Pepper for his number, because it's really been a long time since he's gotten to hold someone's  _hand_ for crying out loud, let alone had sex.

When he was all skinny and fragile, Steve remembers that sex wasn't his top priority. He had in fact gone through puberty without experiencing that much of a sex drive, maybe because he lacked the right hormones, the ones that should have made him all hairy and big, or maybe it's for some other stupid reason related to his fucked up genes.

But then the serum had happened, and along with all the newly-gained muscle mass and power came his long-lost libido. Steve still feels ashamed of the way he couldn't control himself the first few days post-experiment. He'd been trying to mourn his friend, Dr Erskine, but his need had been too strong to deny and when he'd landed in the middle of a group of choir girls and sent to perform all over the country, it couldn't be helped. 

All the unmarried girls? He had fucked them.

The fans who came to his trailer after a show in the city to get an autograph? Fucked them.

The soldiers on the front whose eyes had lingered on him a little longer than necessary? Fucked them, too.

Steve's not the same, now. In fact, once the mind-numbing urge had faded a couple of months later, the one-night stands had already started to feel like something was missing. The good times he spent with all these strangers felt hollow, and Steve was left craving something deeper and more meaningful than just a name and a night.

So by the time he crashed the plane into the ocean, he hadn't been with anyone in a while; hadn't touched or kissed or claimed.

And now that he's woken up in the future, he just hasn't had the time to think about himself. It's all been about saving the world, saving his friends, saving SHIELD, saving himself, and then a little more of that saving the world part. Steve's not complaining - he was  _born_ to do this. To protect people with his life, if he has to. But it does start to weigh on him, coloring all his thoughts at little black at the edges, making him feel somber when he's alone at night. And so  _goddamn frustrated._

He knows men like Thor and probably Tony too get their kick out of the fight itself. They just  _love_ it. But Steve's a little different, in that fighting doesn't leave him drained like the rest of the Avengers; quite the contrary. It's  _after_ a fight that he feels the most brimming with energy. It's only  _then_ that he  _needs_ to get his rocks off.

Except there's no one to greet him when he comes home after saving the world, once again. It's only Steve and a long, unsatisfying night.

So when Steve pushes the door of the dingy gymnasium where he's been secretly coming ever since SHIELD's facilities were blown up by Hydra, and quickly gets changed and goes to hang his first punching bag, he thinks: a long workout to spend all his pent-up energy, and then he's calling Pepper to ask for cute assistant's number because,  _fuck it_.

He'll take the guy on a date, and he'll hope that some chemistry will spark between them. Because enough is enough, and Steve's starting to  _starve_  for any kind of connection with another human being that _isn't_ the Avengers... or Fury. He needs a relationship that allows him to fuck, and get fucked, but also come home to the same person everyday and get to know them inside out and get to share all his secret thoughts with them and hold them tight at night and keep them safe as long as he lives and breathes.

Steve sighs, rolling his eyes at his cheesy, wishful thoughts.

There's no one else in the main training room. Steve's chosen a Saturday morning for that purpose - he knows that people won't start to flock before at least a couple of hours, so he won't have to worry about being recognized. The only one who knows his identity is the owner. And the sweet old man's promised to keep it quiet.

Narrowing his eyes, Steve holds the swinging punching bag still, focusing on wiping his mind of all thought.

Then throws the first punch.

* * *

 After a while, Steve notices that he’s being watched.

He recognizes the tell-tale sensation at the base of his neck, and when he throws a quick look around, he quickly spots a man standing in the boxing ring. He's in the middle of his warm up, arms locked around a bent leg held against his chest. He's on the other side of the room, but Steve still notices that he's a good-looking guy, that he seems to be Steve's age ( _well_ , that's debatable) and that he looks like he works out a lot. His arms and legs are toned but not excessively so; he's no match for Steve's "beefy" muscles. His hair is short, but its still got enough length that it curls a little at the ends.

And the man's looking in his direction. And rather intently, at that.

Steve's heart starts beating faster, and he forces himself to face his punching bag again. It's only his third (the owner stopped caring too much when Steve started paying for everything he broke), the two others pushed back against the wall where they've been spilling soft padding all over the floor, so he knows he's still got enough time. Usually, he gets to destroy his way through at least ten before he feels remotely spent.

He's not putting his full-fledged force into the blows, so he knows he doesn't look  _too_ suspicious to any outsider. Plus, the equipment  _is_ old, so breaking stuff isn't a concept totally unheard of. He still wonders if he's been made. The civilian clothes make it harder for people to recognize him, but they don't make him completely invisible. And there are people who know his face and silhouette like the back of their hands, and never fail to spot Steve Rogers in a crowd.

The man could be one of his over-zealous fans. Or he's maybe just curious.

Or, Steve's  _little brain_ supplies, he's interested?

Steve groans internally, rolling his neck as he tries not to dwell too long on the fact that the other man is _so very much_ his type. And Steve's reached a point on the frustration scale where he wouldn't be able to say no if by _miracle_ , the man came on to him. At the first spark of interest, he knows he'd be doomed, so he stares at his punching bag  _hard_ and wills his dick to shut the fuck up.

He's not after meaningless encounters anymore, and hasn't been for a while.

He doesn't want this.

He doesn't _need_ this.

It's the serum talking, it's the superhuman excess of energy that keeps derailing his biology and turns him into this insatiable sex-addict. Steve still remembers the complaints from some of his companions of one night; those who couldn't take it and had to  _beg_ for Steve to  _just stop_.

Steve's better at  _controlling_ himself, now. He's pretty sure he could survive a date night without jumping his partner. He knows he can do it the "normal" way, just for once.

So Steve keeps to himself in his own corner of the room, trying to remember the face of Pepper's cute assistant as his punches grow faster and heavier... but to no avail.

* * *

  _Fidelis ad mortem._

Faithful unto death.

Bucky hasn't slept a wink the night before. Not when the little girl he'd failed to protect had been at the hospital, life hanging on a single, paper-thin thread.

He'd have rather kept watch at her bedside if her father hadn't been so opposed to the idea. When he'd made his intentions clear, Mr Lang had patted Bucky's shoulder like a friend might have done, and told him to go get some sleep while he watched over his daughter. 

_"But... it's_ my _fault,"_ Bucky had argued, eyes lingering on the tiny girl sleeping in the large hospital bed.

On the little crease between her eyes from the pain and worry, still etched in her young face.

_"You did your job, officer, and I know you gave it your best. I'll call for you when Cassie wakes up, but you go get some rest first."_

And no amount of silent arguing had helped. So Bucky had drove back home, with his temporary discharge from work and the bitter taste of too many regrets in his mouth.

Faithful unto death; the motto of the NYPD. But Bucky still spent the whole night toying with the idea of quitting the force.

He hadn't felt like he served  _any purpose_  anymore, not if he couldn't save a little girl from a crazy shooter in a local bakery. In seven years of service, this was, incredibly, the first time something like this had happened to him, and nothing could ever prepare someone for this kind of situation. 

Nothing in the academy or in his many years of uneventful patrols has  _truly_ prepared him for carrying a small child not much older than a  _toddler,_ who was  _bleeding_ all over the floor and then the front of Bucky's uniform when he'd clutched the little girl in his arms and ran outside. Her father had been hit on the head by the assailant at the beginning of the attack and had lost consciousness, and Bucky had come back for him next.

All night long, whenever he closed his eyes, all Bucky would see was the blood. The blood and the little girl losing all color in front of his eyes.

It was only around four this morning that he got the call. Cassie was doing better, and Bucky could come and see her this afternoon after the doctors had run the necessary battery of tests on her.

Bucky stares at his badge for a while, then shoves it in the bunch of clothes inside his locker, closes the door and makes his way out of the locker room and into the training room with his eyes downcast, hands shoved inside his pockets.

If Cassie hadn't made it, Bucky knows he'd have quit. He'd been considering it very seriously last night, and he'd waited for a sign to act on it. For a sign that the One above has truly abandoned them all and nothing really matters anymore. Saving people, protecting this city... is it really worth it?

But Cassie's alive, and she's doing better. She's recovering, and Bucky's going to see her this afternoon.

'Relief' is not strong enough to describe the way Bucky feels as he grabs hold of the ropes and jumps onto the boxing ring. He feels lighter than a feather. Almost  _giddy._

And he should be dead tired, and getting some of that sleep his lieutenant ordered him to take, but Bucky's whole body is unexpectedly buzzing with energy since he'd heard the good news. So he'd decided to go for an unplanned workout at the gym. He only comes here after ten every night to keep himself in shape, because his shifts usually start early in the morning. But today he's making an exception.

He'll be able to get some shut-eye only after a good workout; after he's burned all the anxious energy still buzzing right under the surface of his skin.

* * *

There's only one other nut like Bucky in the room - nuts enough to come here this early in the morning, and he's methodically destroying what looks like his third punching bag.

Bucky doesn't pay him too much attention at first, except for a little ogling because he's only a man and that guy is built like a goddamn Greek god.

Bucky wonders what could be the secret to all that muscle mass. Maybe working out in the morning is actually better than late at night. Maybe it does change something. And  _damn_ but now that he's not so worried about some little girl in a hospital bed, or about his job or the meaning of life, Bucky hasn't much left to think about than the way this guy is throwing one punch after the other without breaking a sweat. All Bucky can see is his profile, but he still notices the way his back muscles roll with each punch, how his big arms flex and swell before uncoiling like a striking snake, hitting the punching bag in the same place over and over and over.

There's no technique to it, Bucky notes absentmindedly as he brings his leg up against his chest and holds onto it, stretching his own less than impressive muscles. He's seen guys training with punching bags many times, and he knows how one's supposed to move. How one has to pretend it's a real opponent standing in front of them, and figuring out the best ways to dodge an imaginary blow and find the other's weakest spots.

But this guy, he's just... hitting. Like he's picturing the face of his nemesis and trying to break their nose. And there's a lot of force behind each blow, but Bucky can't help smirking anyway at his amateurism. It's sort of endearing to watch such a beefcake of a man show zero finesse.

What's more impressive is that he's wearing nothing to protect his hands. He's got to be some kind of masochist, Bucky thinks, and grimaces at the state the guy's knuckles will be in by the time he's finished. Or maybe he's just got a bad night, too.

At some point the man must have noticed Bucky's stare on him because he whips his head in Bucky's direction and carefully measures him with a look Bucky's too far away to decipher. It doesn't last long, and then he's back at punching stubbornly, his blows growing faster and more forceful by the minute.

Bucky's even starting to hear a faint, rhythmical grunt punctuating each blow.

It's unbelievably hot; everything about this man is. It's also very distracting; so Bucky turns his back on him and lungs at an invisible attacker, picturing last night's shooter in his head. Or any other criminal he's come across in his years of service. He also puts all he's been taught to good use, mixing moves of Krav Maga and Jujitsu. He can still hear their coach back at the Academy, loud and clear inside his head:  _"Don't practice it, fellas, and you'll most likely forget it. And then who's going to stop the bad guys?"_

Bucky's always taken those words to heart, and he puts a hundred percent of himself in his workout.

* * *

Bucky usually has a sparring partner. Either one of his colleagues who tags along from time to time, or he'll find some other lunatic like him haunting the gym after ten, and after working out on his own Bucky'll offer a match, kick his ass and call it a night.

This morning, his only option is beefcake guy.

Bucky goes to sit at the edge of the ring, arms hanging from the highest rope behind him, and waits for an opening.

* * *

It's getting nearly impossible to pretend he doesn't feel the guy staring at him. It's frustrating and it's making him loose his focus, which is why he miscalculates his next blow.

He only puts a  _little_ more force into the blow but it still goes off like a _fucking bullet_ , tearing through the material and sending the punching bag  _flying_ across the room, padding pouring out into an arc all over the floor.

It hits the ground with a loud _'thump'_ , tiny specks of dust rising in the air.

_Fuck._

It's eerily quiet in the aftermath, and all Steve can hear is his own heavy breathing and the pounding of his heart. So much for remaining inconspicuous. 

There's a low whistle coming from the boxing ring, and Steve turns around to find the other man  _indeed_ watching him. He's sitting at the edge of the boxing ring, strong arms looped around the ropes behind him. His skin is glistening with sweat, and dark aureoles have appeared at the neck of his dark tank top, as well as underneath his armpits. His hair's damp where a bunch of curls are sticking on his forehead, and if muscles and sweaty isn't tempting enough, the man also appears to be _smirking_ at him.

He looks hot as sin.

It takes all of Steve's willpower to remain flaccid inside his pants, and he still fails, growing a little hard because this is really too much to stand.

“Hey, wanna spar?”

The man's voice is husky, and it reminds Steve of black chocolate filled with sweet liquor. 

“I’m not sure that’d be a good idea,” he manages to shoot back, walking to the remains of his punching bag and dragging it behind him to the wall, where he hoists it up right next to its fallen comrades.

It's a real padding carnage, and Steve sighs at his carelessness. He uses his foot to swipe the padding and push it all into a pile around the ruined equipment.

“Afraid I might kick your ass, big guy?”

The idea is so incongruous that Steve lets out a loud, derisive snort before throwing a  _'you gotta be kidding me'_  look at the man over his shoulder without thinking.

The man surely doesn't suspect who he's currently talking to. No one in their right mind would suggest sparring with Captain America, let alone believe they could 'kick his ass'. Steve has to try very hard not to laugh.

"I'm more interesting than a punching bag."

Steve's repressed laughter dies somewhere in his chest.

_That_  sounded all kinds of suggestive, and he doesn't need Natasha this time to know he's not the only one feeling this way.

Steve turns around and studies the other man for any sign of... something. When he's unable to read the man (except for the fact that his face does color a little _more_ than before, so he's got to have felt the implications of what he's just said, too), Steve shrugs and makes his way to the boxing ring, leaving the punching bags behind. It couldn't hurt to teach this cocky person a lesson. Plus, it's a challenge, and Steve's never backed down from a single challenge even before the war, and any miracle serum.

The other man stands up and swings one leg then the other between the ropes and he's inside the ring again, all fluid movements and flexibility on display. It's really something to see, and Steve's steps falter just a tiny bit.

The man goes to one of the corners, unties a pair of gloves (fingerless, but with enough padding around the knuckles) and throws them at Steve who catches them mid-air.

"Thanks."

Steve's back at trying very hard not to look like he knows something  _extremely_ funny that the other man doesn't - mainly, that he's  _Captain America_ and it'd take him not even a full minute to put him K.O. He knows he looks smug as all hell, and he can't help it, because this is going to be over very, very soon.

Or Steve could try to drag it out a little. It wouldn't hurt him to spend a little more time in this man's company.

Once he's put the gloves on, Steve grabs the ropes but instead of imitating the other man, he waits until he's watching him to bunch the muscles in his arms, then he pushes with his legs and jumps horizontally over the top rope. He lands with barely a sound inside the boxing ring.

"Shit," the other breathes in awe, and then laughs. "You some kind of fucking Olympic champion or something?"

Steve grins and raises both eyebrows once in mock-mystery. The other man snorts and shakes his head.

Although they've both spent a certain amount of time working out, they still go through a series of warm ups first, Steve mostly following the other man's lead even though he doesn't really ever need any kind of preparation.

Perks of the serum - he's always ready to go.

The man rolls his head and twists his wrists, lifting one leg up to his chest and then the other. When Steve's done all of that, he goes on the floor, lies flat on his stomach and decides to stretch his back muscles. He does sometimes, after hours of punching bags or villains altogether, feel a faint little twinge in there.

Hands firmly on the ground, Steve stands on his arms and curves the length of his body as to create a semicircle, one way and then curves it the other. He does this a couple of times, remembering how sinful Natasha looks like this and hoping he's achieving the same graceful movements.

It's... kind of embarrassing, the way he's putting himself on display for some stranger, but Steve's definitely feeling some kind of signals coming from the other man, and if the way he's staring at him right now, _again_ , means anything... this won't go to waste.

Steve looks up at the man (who's indeed staring at his ass while he's going through another series of warm ups, but quickly averts his gaze when caught red-handed) and has to wonder again if he hasn't been made.

The way he'd destroyed that punching bag should have been a giant clue, but if that's the case, then inviting him for a sparring match makes no sense. Steve knows how people usually feel about his strength. They think he can't control it, that he could hurt them if he inadvertently 'lets go', and Steve's never given anyone  _any reason_  to believe that, but still the agents of SHIELD had all kept their polite distances.

People both admire and  _fear_ his strength, and Steve's grown used to being treated like some kind of demigod.

It's with a little pang that Steve realizes that ever since the serum,  _no one_ has wanted to spar with him,  _ever_. The Army taught him how to fight during group training, and he's learned all his close-combat techniques on the field, trading punching bags for Nazi skulls.

And after SHIELD brought him in, he'd once again learned everything from a certain distance, and had his first try-out on the field with  _aliens_ coming from a giant hole in the sky.

He knows he could have asked Thor. He and the god of thunder have become fast friends, and he's one of the few people in Steve's entourage who  _get it_. He's even brought Steve Asgardian mead once, and they both got a little tipsy and Steve made the Avengers laugh like never before with his uncharacteristically loosened tongue. For at least one night, he got to feel a little human again, thanks to his friend.

Thor understands how it feels to possess a great power, and be forced to keep himself in check every single day. Bruce gets it too, to a certain extent. Although he at least gets to live like a normal human being most of the time.

But for some kind of reason, they've never had the occasion to spar. To have a friendly fight. They spend so much of their time together fighting everything evil in this world, that Steve's never really been in the right mood for this kind of activities. And when he was, Thor was busy with his girlfriend or back in Asgard on some private business.

“Enough stalling, Mr Show-Off, let’s do this!”

Steve's jostled out of his self-pity party by the friendly jab, and a little heat pools at the apple of his cheeks.

Busted.

When Steve gets promptly up, their gazes meet and Steve looks at dark blue eyes and doesn't see any trace of dissimulation, or anything else that might make him suspect the other man has guessed who he's about to come face to face with.

There's heat and excitement in those eyes, and smugness in the curve of that luscious mouth and in the shape of those playful eyebrows. He's bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, visibly ready to get a go at Steve. And Steve knows he won't hurt this man - it's one thing to go against a punching bag and another to face another human being, so Steve's not about to loose his focus, as _distracting_ as the other's face might be.

He'll just have some fun with him first, and drag this out as long as he can before he has to put an end to it.

“Steve,” he corrects him, and the other man stops bouncing up and down and steps closer.

“Bucky,” he says, offering his name and a gloved fist that Steve bumps.

But then Bucky’s squatting without a warning and swiping one leg under Steve, making him loose balance and fall on his face while Bucky’s already back up, fast and efficient and vicious as _fuck_.

“What-???”

“I said _let’s do this_ ,” Bucky teases, bouncing somewhere in Steve's peripheral vision, “that was me announcing the beginning of this round. That I just obviously won, by the way. Want a return match?”

“Hell, yeah!”

Steve snorts against the rough mattress and this time, when he stands up, he’s expecting the lightning fast move from Bucky who tries to punch him in the flank, but Steve dodges and grabs hold of Bucky’s arm. And before the other has the time to react, Steve lifts him _bodily_  from the ground and sends him flying to the other side of the sparring ring and right into the ropes.

Bucky flails helplessly, and the air is shocked out of his lungs when his back hits the ropes. He remains there for a moment, visibly stunned by Steve’s unexpected speed and strength. Steve didn’t mean to reveal all his cards so soon, but he _does_ feel a bit resentful about that sly first attack. 

"You sure kicked my ass, there, huh?"

This time, he's the one who gets to tease Bucky, and it makes him feel  _very_ good. Especially when Bucky pushes himself back up with a murderous glint in his eyes, and lungs for him again.

* * *

 They spar for a solid hour before Bucky starts showing signs of fatigue.

It's now or never if Steve wants to end this and leave Bucky a chance to pretend it's because they went at it for so long, and what not.

Steve doesn't feel like winning this contest, though. In fact, something tells him that he'd enjoy letting the other believe he's won much more than getting to beat him. He likes the way Bucky gets insufferably cocky every time he manages to land a good blow on Steve. And he does manage it, if only because Steve was wrong and Bucky  _is_ actually very distracting. Steve truly doesn't see some of Bucky's moves coming until it's too late, and he ends up biting the dust more often than he'd like to admit.

Eventually they end up in a grunting pile on the floor of the ring, Bucky pinning one of Steve’s legs over the guy’s shoulder ( _wow, bendy_ , Bucky thinks) and Bucky's actively trying to ignore the way they _have_ to look like this.

But that's not easy when the hard line of his arousal is rubbing insistently against Steve’s ass; and from the smirk on Steve’s face – he  _knows_. And Bucky's left to believe he's the only one in this case when Steve makes to throw Bucky away from him and moves just so that Bucky’s knee slides down and right against the bulge in Steve’s soft gray pants.

“ _Oh_ ,” they somehow whisper at the same time, Bucky from actual surprise, and Steve from the intensity of the sudden friction.

“D’you yield?” Bucky rasps, blood pounding at his ears, rushing south.

They lock gazes, noticing each other's dilated pupils, and all Steve wants to do is grab Bucky by his tank top with both hands and yank him down for a devouring kiss.

“Yeah,” Steve grunts instead, leaving his arms sprawled on the floor.

“I thought Captain America never backed down from a fight?”

“Well, I won’t fight you  _with a boner.”_

Steve’s mouth snaps shut with a loud clash of teeth when he realizes what Bucky just called him.

“Wait a minute... you knew who I was?”

“Not at first," Bucky rasps, pushing his knee experimentally against the bulge in Steve's pants and laughing when the other man grits his teeth to hold in any sounds he might make.

It's such a _dizzying_ feeling - getting  _Captain America_ hard and  _helpless_ underneath him - that Bucky feels like he just snorted all the drug his precinct confiscated this week. And they'd dismantled an important trafficking ring.

"But then you picked me up like I was nothing but a rag-doll, and I knew something was ‘off’. I'm a cop, and I know my own strength."

Bucky watches Steve bite his bottom lip, eyelashes fluttering when Bucky does nothing to remove his knee from that very sensitive place.

"Seeing your face up close helped, too. You’re a very, very sexy man,  _Steve_. Pictures on the magazines don’t do you... _justice_.”

Bucky grins triumphantly at his own rather lame pun, and Steve stares at him, mouth agape.

“So… how about the winner claims his prize?”

Bucky releases one of Steve’s shoulders and bites his glove off before dragging his palm down Steve’s chest, waiting for a negative reaction.

But all Steve does is sigh and arch his back so that more of his chiseled chest and abs can get in contact with Bucky’s hot palm. Bucky smiles at that response, self-confidence completely restored, and slowly strokes all those muscles hidden by a very thin white shirt that's still as pristine as ever, not even a single drop of sweat to be seen anywhere. There seem to be many perks to that secret serum that turned Steve Rogers into this beefcake of a man, Bucky muses.

His hand slides down further and further, and finally covers Steve’s clothed erection.

Steve’s eyes flutter closed and his jaw relaxes even more.

“Oh  _god_ ,” he moans, mouth wide open when Bucky starts massaging him through his pants, stroking and kneading the hot, solid length of him.

Steve’s hands are curving into fists inside his fingerless gloves, and he can’t help banging on the floor whenever Bucky does something to him that he  _especially_ likes.

It doesn’t take long before Steve’s breath hitches in his throat and he spills, warm and wet under Bucky’s fingers and the layers of soft material. He hasn't felt anyone else's hands on him for such a long time, and the realization alone shakes him  _harder_ than the orgasm itself. In the luminous aftermath of his release, Steve feels so  _fulfilled_  and grateful... he could have _cried_.

Once he’s got his breathing back under control and the waves of blinding pleasure have receded, the air around them is unexpectedly tinted with awkwardness.

Steve notices belatedly that he's lost feeling in his pinned leg, and he's got to signal it even though he likes having Bucky so close and so warm against him.

Bucky releases him from his hold like he's been electrocuted, face still bright red from exertion but there's also shame in the down-turned curve of his lips.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Of course, Steve's gone and fucked it all up again.

He knows it's probably his fault. His first sexual encounter in the twenty-first century and he _had_ to make it happen on the floor, in some seedy gymnasium and with someone he's barely met! He's every bit the animal everyone who's ever had sex with him has accused him of being, and he can't deny it anymore. He's a fucking  _monster!_

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Steve says very earnestly, right when Bucky's standing up and stammering, "Shit, I feel like I just molested you."

They both frown when the meaning behind the other's words finally hits them.

Bucky's the first one to laugh, humor laced with genuine shock.

"Seriously, dude? You think you made  _me_ uncomfortable? This is like my dirtiest fantasy come true!"

Steve coughs at the admission, choking on his own saliva because  _wow, okay,_ that was straight-forward. It also helps making him feel less like he just took advantage of Bucky. They both wanted it. And in fact, Steve can still see the line of Bucky's arousal tenting his pants. He doesn't bring it up, though.

"By the way, you didn't molest me. I thought  _I_ did."

Steve stops talking when he sees the way Bucky's staring at him.

Disbelieving. Dumbfounded. More than a little awestruck.

"No, you...  _god_ , you didn't... ah, this is getting ridiculous. Can we agree that we were both consenting adults in this?"

"Yeah, let's just do that."

Bucky's luminous laughter is kind of unfair.

Steve wants to taste it, see if it's as addicting as the rest of him.

Except that Bucky knows who he is - well,  _knew_ for a while, now - and it's suddenly not so easy to reach out and touch and interact with the other man. Steve feels like a demigod again, a distinct line appearing between him and Bucky, and that the latter seems to sense too when he takes a couple of steps back after helping Steve stand up, all polite and out of his space.

Steve doesn't want this kind of respect and adulation he usually gets from fans.

Not from the man... who just... not from  _Bucky!_ But for some reason, now that he's told Steve that he's made him as Captain America, there is a distance that wasn't there before, and Bucky seems hell-bent on respecting it.

_He's a cop_ , Steve suddenly remembers.  _Maybe we've been together before, fighting alongside without knowing it._

"Hey, were you there during the Attack on New York?"

That's how everyone's been calling that faithful day when the sky tore open and poured horror and destruction and death onto this world.

Bucky blinks, seeming lost in thought at the mention of the famous attack.

"Yes," he finally breathes out softly. "I helped civilians get out of the way while you... while the Avengers saved the world. It was truly awesome," he adds, excitement back in his voice. "I mean, not the aliens, or all the people who died. That was awful. But the way you guys teamed up and fucking  _got shit done!_ You've been an inspiration for all of us, s-."

Bucky bites the word back on time, but Steve still hears it.

_Sir._

Now they're getting formal, and Steve wants to scream. Bucky probably got impressed after retelling Steve's and the other Avengers' prowess.

Sensing the displease suddenly coming off of Steve in _waves_ , Bucky holds up his hand, and Steve takes it in his own gloved hand and shakes it by reflex, listening to some more platitudes and marks of respect and then...

"It was really a pleasure to meet you, _Captain_."

...and then the next thing he knows, Bucky's smiling at him before ducking under the ropes and jumping out of the boxing ring.

* * *

What Steve doesn't know is that Bucky's heart is slamming  _fast_ against his ribs when he exits the training room and heads for the showers. He's just met  _Steve Rogers_ , who he actually hadn't been sure was him until the guy himself confirmed it. He got to spar with him like they were the best fucking friends in the world, and... and he watched him  _orgasm from his own fucking hand._ Bucky hasn't lied - it's really a dream come true, and Bucky had to leave before he made an ass of himself in front of  _Captain fucking America!_

He isn't hoping for anything more because he _knows_ he can't. Instead he'll cherish this one encounter in his memory, forever wondering how he got so lucky.

* * *

 What Bucky doesn’t know is that merely a couple of minutes after he’s left, Steve decides he won't have Bucky treating him like some kind of unattainable public monument, not after all he's done for Steve - and follows after him with every intention of fucking him in the showers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *

Bucky drops the bar of soap when the sound of someone slamming the locker room door closed echoes against the white tiles of the showers.

_Could it be…?_

Bucky bends over inside his own stall and picks up the soap, rivulets running into his eyes, filling his nostrils and pooling at the corners of his closed lips. He drinks the water in, and then spits it out before standing back up.

He’s being stupid, of course it’s Steve Rogers ( _Captain America_  he thinks and almost swoons like a groupie) - merely coming back to get changed. And maybe even grab a shower beforehand. He’s not coming after Bucky or anything. He’s not… looking for more. There's no chance that Steve Rogers would go after someone like Bucky,  _especially_ after getting everything he could need from him. Which - Bucky doesn't mind. He'd initiated it, and he'll never be sorry about that.

It'd be nice if things could happen like they do on television, or in fantasyland. Captain America, picking Bucky Barnes of all people.

_Stop being a besotted fool, Barnes. You touched his dick and now you think you’re special to him? To Captain fucking America? Pffft._

Bucky sighs at his own stupidity and proceeds to lather himself in a thick layer of the creamy product that smells strongly of cinnamon and some other artificial fragrance he can’t quite pinpoint and doesn’t really care about. Of course this is all wishful thinking. Bucky _did_ feel the vibes coming from Steve Rogers once the heat had subsided. And it'd been clear to him that he'd been overstepping his boundaries by wanting to remain in the Captain's presence, and maybe chat some more. Bucky never expected to like the man himself so much, but Steve is just as amazing as all the interviews and fan testimonies make him out to be. He's maybe a little snarkier in reality, but that only makes Bucky want him  _more_. Bucky would also have been totally satisfied with being simply friends, he's just _that_ entertaining - and nice.

But once Bucky had opened his mouth, he hadn't been able to contain his babble, gushing about The Attack on New-York and the Avengers and whatnot, and he'd quickly annoyed the other man. Bucky couldn't believe he'd blown his chance to get to know Steve  _fucking_ Rogers better, but what's done is done, and there's nothing he can do about it, now.

But Bucky refuses to feel bitter about missed chances. He still feels blessed beyond all belief that this whole encounter happened in the _first_ place.

He’s busy soaping up his right armpit when he catches the distant sound of naked feet slapping against the tiles as someone walks in the showers.

It’s ridiculous, but Bucky immediately holds his breath. And some part of him knows it’s silly because it’s not as if Steve Rogers could hear him breathing but wouldn’t notice that there’s only one lone stall where the water is running. Of  _course_  Steve knows he’s here.

_Oh for fuck’s sake, get a grip._

Bucky exhales, shakily. He’s shivering under the hot water pouring over him, and knowing that he’s in the same room as Steve, and  _naked_ , is like gasoline over the embers of his denied erection from earlier.

He’s hard again in the space of two heartbeats.

Bucky almost drops the bar of soap  _again_  when someone turns the shower head on in the stall  _right next_ to his own. 

_Shit, did he do it on purpose?_

Biting his lip, Bucky looks down, hesitates, then grabs hold of himself and starts jacking himself off, watching his hand and wishing it was a bigger, stronger one pleasuring him in its place.

If only Steve could come over here and fuck him fast and hard. Just the way he fights. All power and determination – but also playful at times, and so considerate of his partner.

And really, Bucky hopes Captain America pounds his conquests the way he roughed Bucky up today on the ring. He’s starting to show evidence of Steve’s inhuman strength, colorful marks blooming under his skin in the shape of a fist, or fingers. Bucky looks up at his arm near his shoulder where Steve grabbed him before throwing him in the air like he was nothing but a sack of feathers. There are bright imprints the color of fresh cherries, long and slender, marking the places where Steve Rogers’ fingers dug  _hard_  into his skin.

Bucky presses his mouth against one bruise and almost moans at the faint sting that triggers something that feels like a small explosion going straight to the base of his dick. His hand tightens around himself and when he closes his eyes he sees sparks.

He wants Captain America to rough him up some more. He wants to spar with him naked just so he can find himself underneath that powerhouse of a man. He wants bruises done in the heat of  _sex_ – and he’s never had these kinds of thoughts before, and maybe it scares him a little, but who cares, he’s turned on like never before and the subject of his fantasies is only a couple of feet away.

Knowing he’ll probably remain in the shower until Steve's left (he’s not a coward, see, he just doesn’t want to make it awkward for Steve and make him feel like Bucky’s stalking him now or whatever) – so Bucky keeps massaging his dick lovingly, toes curling and jaw dropping when he feels himself nearing his climax. He can only hope he can do it silently for once in his life.

* * *

Steve isn’t even pretending to be washing himself. He’s standing buck naked under the spray and boring angry holes into the wall separating him from what he wants.

His heart is telling him this is something important,  _Bucky_  is important; but once he’d spotted Bucky’s stall he’d backed down at the last possible moment and ducked into the one right next to him. He just couldn’t… walk in and expect to be welcomed. 

Steve doesn’t want to assume and make Bucky feel like he…  _owes_  him. Like he can’t say ‘no’ to Steve and walk away. Because he can, it’d break Steve’s heart and shatter all his blooming hopes and dreams that all revolve around his sparring partner, but he wouldn’t stop him.

And still… as he stands completely still like some marble statue under the spray of hot water, he wonders if he’s not making a mistake. If he shouldn’t, maybe…

He had come in determined to find Bucky and fuck the brunet until he forgot his own name. Steve knows he’s capable of that feat – he’s done it before, wringing orgasm after orgasm from his partners’ bodies until they were begging him to  _stop_. Steve’s never hurt anyone, but made people forget everything until all they knew was the shape of his body? Hell  _yes_.

So he’s not exactly shy about sex. He’s not the blushing virgin everyone thinks he is, and least of all, he’d never let such an opportunity escape him just because he’s starting to have  _feelings_ – way too soon. But he’s always been this way, unable to get intimate with anyone he didn’t ‘click’ with, and then developing a strong attachment to these same people. Right after he was administrated the serum, all that mattered was that Steve found himself a warm and willing hole to put his dick in. But then the fog had dissipated, his urges had become easier to control and Steve had started to _crave_ things he's never had, and couldn't possibly have.

Steve doesn’t do ‘casual’ anymore. He does ‘very very serious’, to the point of following the person back to the showers to try and feel the connection again.

Truth is, he hasn’t felt this way in a while. And maybe, he hasn’t felt this way  _ever_   _before._

Reaching up, Steve turns off the water. This is important, and he doesn’t want to live with this kind of regrets. He’s got enough of those already.

He’s not trying to be quiet when he walks into the next shower stall. He’s not getting off on being a creep but Bucky doesn’t seem to hear him, and at first Steve can’t make his presence known because he’s fascinated by his first look at a gloriously naked Bucky.

The man is gorgeous all over, creamy skin covered in what Steve recognizes as his own handiwork, and as if that and Bucky’s backside in general is not the most decadent sight he’s ever witnessed before, the unmistakable movement of his right hand shaking up and down between his legs is what really convinces Steve to make his move.

Because Bucky’s visibly horny, and probably thinking about their previous encounter. And hell, even if that’s not the case, Bucky  _did_  put his hand on Steve’s dick and bring him to a swift release, so at least Steve knows he’s wanted – to some extent.

Steve steps closer, close enough to get his head under the spray of water, and wraps a hand around Bucky’s own where it’s milking his member, the other arm he loops under Bucky’s arms and around his chest, forcing the startled man to come flush with Steve’s front.

And Bucky does startle when Steve first touches him, and gasps in surprise.

“It’s me,” Steve breathes into the tender shell of an ear, and feels Bucky relax in his arms before leaning heavily against Steve.

Steve is moved by the level of trust he inspires in a man he’s just met, Captain America or not. It’s enough to make him want to give Bucky everything he needs. Everything he ever wants, too. All he has to do is trust Steve and give himself over just like this, and Steve… Steve would belong to him completely, just the same.

“I was hoping you’d…  _ah_ … you’d show up,  _Steve!”_

Bucky can’t think straight when Steve is licking and nibbling at his neck, then his jaw, and then lower still. Can only _feel_ when Steve grabs Bucky’s chin and moves his head out of the way so that he can reach his collarbone and sink his teeth into the tender flesh and bone like he’s trying to  _eat him_ alive.

“Steve… please.”

“What is it, baby?”

Bucky keens and turns his head to kiss the inside of Steve’s palm. It starts as a kiss but it quickly turns into licking and sucking, and forcing all those hungry sounds out of Steve’s mouth.

“What do you want?” Steve asks against wet creamy skin, but he’s already nudging Bucky’s hand away from his dick and holding him more firmly inside his own, bigger hand. Because he knows what Bucky wants, and he’s not going to torture him with that knowledge.

“I want you to  _fuck me_ ,” Bucky’s cranes his neck to meet Steve’s gaze, to show him how much he means every single word, and Steve can only reward him with their very first kiss.

He places a hard peck against Bucky’s lips, and it doesn’t even take any coaxing from his side before Bucky’s lips are falling wide open for him and Steve delves in, tasting Bucky for the first time.

He’s sweeter than he thought he would be. Sweet and new and exciting, but also kind of familiar.  _Perfect_.

They lick into each other’s mouths, loud and hungry, and Steve tries to keep kissing him without losing his rhythm as he jacks Bucky off but it’s not an easy feat. Soon Bucky’s sucking on his tongue and rolling his hips demandingly, trying to get some kind of friction and whining pitifully when it doesn’t work so well. It does wonderful things to Steve's cock when Bucky grinds his ass into Steve's front, so Steve whispers,  _"do that again"_ against Bucky's lips and is rewarded by more friction and heat and skin, Bucky working his ass over Steve's crotch like a man on a mission.

Steve's fingers dig into previous bruises when he comes once again, slow and hot over Bucky's lower back, and their moans mingle as Steve feels some more pent-up tension spill out of his body in the most wonderful way.

“Alright,” Steve laughs shakily into Bucky’s mouth when he's finished, and lands another hard peck against Bucky’s plush lips. “Are you close?” he asks, reaching blindly for the soap Bucky’s clutching in his left hand, hard cock still nestled against the smaller man's ass.

"But... you just-"

"Don't worry," Steve kisses all the questions and doubts away until Bucky's looking at him glassy-eyed and trusting again.

He has to release Bucky long enough to soap his fingers up, and the sounds Bucky makes at the sudden loss of contact are  _heartbreaking_.

“Easy, Buck” Steve croons, hoping to soothe him by peppering his neck and shoulders with little kisses. “Touch yourself for me, baby.”

 _“Hnnn,”_ Bucky complies with a strangled sigh, and then he’s back to stroking himself fast and hard.

“I’m close, Steve… please,  _please fuck me now_ ,” Bucky begs in a high-pitched voice, sounding like he can’t stop, like he has no power over his imminent orgasm and like he’s about to  _cry_  if Steve doesn’t give him what he wants.

Steve drops the soap and wraps Bucky in a tight embrace. 

Bucky only has time to tilt his chin up to request a kiss and be granted one when he feels a slick finger slide down his crease.

“ _Steve!”_

Steve likes the way his name sounds like the dirtiest curse in Bucky's mouth, rendered delirious by pleasure and sweet anticipation.

“No,” Steve kisses away the sting of his word, but Bucky still frowns and looks a bit startled by the clear denial.

And he must get even more confused when Steve’s soapy finger starts massaging his anus while he speaks, obviously relaxing and preparing the muscles for the intrusion to come. Steve keeps at it until Bucky's all slippery and fluttering open.

Bucky opens his mouth to ask, but all that comes out is a drawn-out moan because Steve chooses that moment to slide his finger all the way inside Bucky’s warm hole.

Bucky moans and clenches around Steve, and he grows impossibly hard in Steve’s hand.

“Buck, baby, I won't fuck you."

The sound Bucky makes can only be described as a mournful whine.

"You’re going to come first,” Steve quickly rectifies.

Bucky tries to speak once more, but Steve thrusts a second finger in and all he gets is a throaty sound that’s between a moan and something else entirely, something animal that can’t be defined by words and Steve doesn’t even try to – he just keeps exploring Bucky’s body with his fingers and mouth.

“I want you to come for me. Please, lemme see you, baby. And I’ll fuck you after, I promise. I’ll get my cock inside you while you’re still shooting.”

Steve accompanies that statement with a long, hard kiss and swallows Bucky’s weak little sounds of arousal from his dirty talk. His hand on Bucky’s dick has slowed down again, but his fingers are moving relentlessly inside Bucky’s slick channel, and he can feel him shake in his arms when he crooks his fingers and drags the tips against all the right places inside him.

“Captain America is… _one kinky motherfucker,”_ Bucky finally manages to say, and they both laugh at the statement.

“Are you gonna tell the media? Look out, Steve Rogers is a queer and a kinky motherfucker at that!”

“No,” Bucky replies, and Steve can hear the smile in his voice even though he can’t quite see it. “I’d never share  _this_ … with anyone else.” Bucky reaches behind himself and pats Steve clumsily on the head, before settling on Steve’s neck. “Now… do the things that you said… I want you to fuck me before we run out of hot water.”

They both smile into their next kiss, and it’s slower this time, feels less like Steve claiming Bucky or Bucky taking something he wants – and more like simply  _sharing._ Pleasure, comfort, affection, even a good joke. Steve feels warmth spread to the tips of his toes, and he never wants to forget this feeling.

He wants to remember this moment, and Bucky, forever.

After that they start moving with a little more confidence, a little more _determination_ now that both parties know the rules. Bucky lies his cheek flush against the wall in front of him, hands braced against the wet tiles, and lets Steve do whatever he wants to him.

Steve’s constant erection is still dripping with excitement when he looks down at his fingers thrusting in and out of Bucky’s hole, the muscles sucking him and gripping him every time he slips them out. His balls are hot and heavy, ready to shoot another load just by watching and listening to Bucky being pleasured and begging Steve for more, letting Steve fuck him and stroke him and touch him all over if he so pleases.

And just when Steve doesn’t think he can hold on any longer, he hears a soft gasp, a murmured “ _I’m… I’m… Steve!”_  – and then Bucky's clenching  _hard_  around his fingers, and Steve simultaneously feels something slick and warmer than the water coating his hand that's still stroking Bucky’s erection.

“Just like this, baby,” He hears himself say as he quickly gets his fingers out, lines himself up and then with an arm braced on the wall and the other still fisting Bucky's pumping cock, he pushes inside between the flex and release of Bucky’s orgasm, bottoming out in one single thrust that brings Bucky completely flush with the wall.

“ _Fuck_ , Steve!” 

It doesn't take long for Steve to come – he never takes long ever since the serum, always ready to burst at the seams, but also ready to go way too many times after his partners are done. Plastered against Bucky's back, he shoots deep inside him, mouthing his name and “baby” and all kinds of other nicknames and words of affection and love and a fair amount of nonsense, too.

Then the waves of blinding pleasure finally subside and he can think clearly again, and that must be Bucky’s case too because he lets out a surprised little “ _oh”_  when he notices that, yes, Steve’s still hard inside him.

“Oh, god, you  _do_  fuck like you fight,” Bucky sighs against the wall, and Steve pinches the top of Bucky’s thigh where he's previously left a bruise, and he enjoys the little affronted yelp more than he probably should.

* * *

They fuck until the water goes from hot to lukewarm, then cold, and then until it feels like little icicles trying to pierce their skin.

Bucky gets to his knees and after more coaxing than he expected, he manages to convince Steve to let him put his mouth on his neglected asshole. Steve behaves like this has never been done to him before, fighting Bucky only a little at first and it makes Bucky all the more attentive and determined to show him how good it can feel. Braced on the wall above him, Steve quivers and tries to hold in his voice but it's useless when Bucky plays dirty and switches to sucking his rim into his mouth.

Steve tastes clean and hot, and he comes apart from Bucky's tongue in record time, reaching yet another peak so close to the previous one.

When Bucky's done and Steve turns around to haul him up for a kiss full of gratitude and wonder, he's starting to worry a bit. Steve's still hard against Bucky's flaccid member, and he's lapping hungrily inside Bucky's mouth like he'll never get enough. Bucky'll probably be able to get hard one last time, but not before _some_  time, and Steve...  _god_ , Steve's ready to go all over again.

When Steve fucks him again they are facing each other, Bucky's legs clutching Steve's waist _tight_  while the taller man supports them both without even a sign of weariness. Bucky gets off _badly_ on Steve's carefree strength and he may be feeling the strains of so much physical activity after a long, sleepless night; his body may be going sore to the brink of  _pain_ \- but he doesn't care. Not when he gets to watch Captain America come for the fourth time _(or is it the fifth?)_  and fill him to the brim.

Steve’s still not finished, though, and Bucky’s so damn  _exhausted_  by the time they leave the showers that all he can do is let Steve carry him into the locker room without a sound of protest. He should feel a little embarrassment, maybe, but it just feels too good to be cradled so completely into Steve's surprisingly gentle arms.

"One more time, Buck," Steve murmurs softly into Bucky's temple, brushing kisses into his wet skin. "Just one more, I promise."

Bucky has no idea what time it might be, but he knows visitors will shortly be pushing the doors of the gymnasium, and if they see them like this... if they see  _Steve_... Bucky can't let that happen, and something tells him that Steve's too busy thinking with his cock to be able to measure the risks he's currently taking with Bucky.

When they enter the locker room, Steve goes to lay Bucky slowly onto one of the benches, and then comes back with a large fluffy towel that he wraps around Bucky like a cocoon. He's back to kissing Bucky's mouth, lifting the wrapped-up brunet and dropping him onto his lap between kisses and then starting to rub the water off of Bucky's body. Bucky giggles at the treatment and moans when Steve keeps coming back to cupping his crotch over the towel and squeezing playfully, kind of _fucking_ _unused_ to being treated like a little play doll and finding it immensely funny. Bucky's usually the tough guy in the relationship. He's the cop, the hard-ass seducing every twink that catches his eye right and left. Usually small and slender blonds.

So this is  _very_ new and unexpected, but not unwanted. Not at all.

"We don't-" he sighs against Steve's mouth, trying to say,  _"we don't have much time, so hurry up and take me one more time like you promised"_ , but the other looks hell-bent on _not_ letting him get more than a couple of words out before he's shoving his tongue down his throat.

So all Bucky can do is shrug out of the towel and slide to his knees, right between Steve's open legs. He's still wet from the shower, not paying any attention to his own state which is all kinds of bothering for Bucky, but he pushes that thought aside now and focuses on sucking Steve’s beautiful cock into his mouth and swallowing him down. He's so damn tired that this is really all he can do right now, and Steve murmurs quietly and strokes Bucky's wet mop of hair encouragingly.

Even there on his knees with _Captain America’s_ cock down his throat, Bucky still has a hard time believing that this is really happening to him.

He tries bobbing his head a little, but quickly gets dizzy and has to brace himself on Steve's knees.

"It's OK, Buck, I'll take it from here," Steve murmurs again, and starts rolling his hips, cock sliding up and down Bucky's tongue.

He keeps calling him 'Buck', and Bucky loves that Steve's got a special name for him, like he's trying to reappropriate himself Bucky's original nickname. 

Steve doesn't last long enough for Bucky's jaw to start hurting like it sometimes does, and he mercifully spurts inside his mouth and lets Bucky's throat clench and swallow him down reflexively, drawing an explosive moan out of the bigger man. Bucky swallows everything Steve's got to give dutifully, and when Steve finally slips out of his mouth, he licks his swollen lips with a tired smile, chasing Steve's taste.

"God, Bucky, you're incredible," Steve breathes out shakily and laughs, and it's the first time that he looks and sounds like someone who's just experienced an orgasm.

_Fucking finally._

He pulls Bucky back to him and Bucky shares what little's left of his come with him.

"Are you hard again?" Bucky mumbles, eyelids drooping and on the verge of closing, even though he can damn well feel Steve's hard member poking him in the stomach. "How many times can you  _fucking go?"  
_

Steve laughs and holds him close against his chest, still covered in little droplets.

"It depends. But with you... I could probably beat a record."

The sound Bucky makes is between a snort and a moan, and it's the less dignified he's sounded or felt in his entire life. Steve can probably feel him too, growing a little hard from not only everything they've done but mostly Steve's words, and the images it evokes. Steve Rogers beating a sex record with Bucky. Captain America fucking him into oblivion and still going.

Bucky moans again, more insistently this time, exhaustion pushed on the back-burner for the time being. He's suddenly aroused once more, and he pushes himself into Steve's body that's radiating heat and all kinds of pleasurable promises.

"Here, Buck" Steve closes his large palm around Bucky's cock and gives it a little squeeze. "Lemme help you with that."

With every last ounce of energy he's got left, Bucky lets Steve wring a second, _draining_ orgasm out of his well-used body, letting the blond handle him until he's so sensitive he cries out for Steve to stop.

"Sorry," Steve quickly mutters and releases Bucky.

_"Mhmm..."_

That's pretty much all Bucky can manage at the moment, already half asleep as he slumps against Steve's chest.

"Hey, you alright? I didn't hurt you anywhere?"

"M'sorry," Bucky mumbles against one of Steve's pectorals, tasting the water on his moving lips, "didn't sleep last night. Think I'm gonna. Now."

"You didn't sleep?" Steve asks, confused and sounding maybe worried, too.

Bucky's not sure.

"No wonder you're like this,  _fuck_ , Bucky, why didn't you tell me, I just gave you the work out of your life!"

"Don't flatter yourself."

Steve laughs, loud and bright, and Bucky wishes he had the energy to look up and see it. But he can't, and he's really about to fall asleep on Steve.

"Alright, alright, let's get you dressed. Come on, up, up, up!"

* * *

 It's like Steve's spent his whole life dressing up limp little men about to pass out on him. Because Bucky's back in his clothes in no time.

"Did you drive here?" Steve asks, and Bucky shakes his head no.

He lives nearby, and it's a short walk from his apartment to the gym that he enjoys taking, even after a long shift.

Steve only nods in understanding and doesn't ask anything more.

When his police badge falls from his locker, Steve picks it up and it might be Bucky's imagination, but he thinks he catches Steve stroking it with his thumb, something that could be admiration in his eyes mixed with another emotion Bucky's too out of it to try to pinpoint. Steve eventually slips it inside Bucky's gym bag and instead of handing it back to him, shoulders both Bucky's and his own.

Bucky wants to protest, but the next thing he knows, he's being ushered outside the locker room at the same time that a couple of guys is coming through the doors, laughing out loud and not paying any attention to Bucky and Steve.

Once they're outside the gym, Steve leads Bucky to the main street and hails him a taxi.

"I want to see you again," he suddenly blurts out, grabbing Bucky's arm before he can reach for the taxi door.

Bucky blinks owlishly at him, at Steve Rogers, at  _Captain America_ , and he almost wants to laugh.

" _What?_  Why?"

"For a lot of reasons I'm not entirely comfortable enumerating in the middle of a busy street. Just, please, can I see you again?"

Bucky's mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He just nods, and recites his phone obligingly when Steve asks for it. He doesn't write it down on anything, just stares at Bucky and... and remembers it? Fuck if Bucky knows. But once he's done, Steve smiles at him, and he's so beautiful and larger than life that Bucky unexpectedly wants to cry.

"I'll call you. I'll call you tonight!"

"Alright," Bucky replies, and when Steve finally releases him he doesn't know what else to do but reach for his gym bag, and turn around to hop into the back seat of the taxi.

* * *

 Bucky goes back home and sleeps for so long he misses his visit to the hospital. He feels so bad about it when he wakes up that he calls Cassie's father on the spot, only to be told that Cassie's recovering but hasn't woken up yet, so he hasn't really missed that much. The doctors aren't allowing any more visits for the day, so Bucky'll have to wait.

"I'm sorry, I spent all night worrying and then... fell asleep, I guess. I wanted to come, though!"

"It's alright, officer...?"

"Oh, yeah, shit, Barnes. James Barnes."

"Officer Barnes. It's already a lot that you care, and I'm sure Cassie will be pleased by your concern when she's finally woken up."

"When-" Bucky's mouth goes unexpectedly dry with dread, but he forces the words out anyway. "When do the doctors think she'll wake up?"

"It's... they're not certain. Soon," Cassie's father sounds as worried as Bucky feels on the other side of the line, and Bucky feels once again guilt wash over him that he wasn't there to offer some support to the people he so obviously failed to keep safe.

"It's alright, Mr Lang. Cassie's safe, and she'll be alright. She'll wake up, 'cus your daughter's a fighter. I can tell."

The man laughs quietly, and Bucky feels just a little better about himself.

"Yeah. Yeah, she really is."

"Can I come by tomorrow?"

"Of course. We'll be waiting for you."

* * *

 The rest of the day, Bucky spends it mostly in bed, thinking about Steve and Cassie between naps, and a late dinner.

That night, Steve doesn't call, and Bucky pretends it doesn't matter.

* * *

 That night, Tony finally discovers a new and important HYDRA base in Sokovia, and the Avengers team up and fly to Eastern Europe without any delay. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm not gonna get into any details concerning AoU. I'm only keeping Steve's vision, and fast-forwarding it a bit.)

* * *

As he puts his helmet on, Steve can still smell him on himself - on his skin, and his clothes underneath the suit.

Cinnamon.

He recognizes the scent of the soap; he's been to that gym enough times for the past month to know it by heart, but it still reminds him first and foremost of Bucky. And something tells him he'll be linking that particular scent to the other man for a long time to come.

In the large elevator taking him and the five other Avengers up to the rooftop of the Tower, Steve knows he probably sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of the determined faces of his friends. So he tries his best to focus on the operation, and not on how soft Bucky's hair looked when he'd first glanced at him, or the way his dark blue eyes shone when Steve called him 'Buck'.

Or the way he sounded when Steve slid inside him the first time.

_Oh, for god's sake._

When earlier the same night JARVIS had localized the most important Hydra base they've encountered yet, Steve'd been busy contemplating calling Bucky with no real plan in mind, just because he wanted to hear his voice again. It'd have been very romantic, Steve calling and confessing to Bucky that he missed the way he sounded. It'd have come out a little flirty, too, and maybe Bucky would have laughed at Steve's poor attempts at romance. Maybe they'd have agreed on having dinner together, and Steve would have asked Bucky where he lived because...

...because he doesn't know if Bucky's alright with being seen with an Avenger in public. He doesn't really know if  _he himself_  would be completely comfortable with the idea, either. He knows that most people in the twenty-first century don't really care if two men are dating, but he's not sure about their reaction to  _Steve Rogers_  going on a date with another man. People would spend the night taking pictures of them, making them feel like exotic animals at the zoo and every tabloid would display them on their front page the next morning. And what if all that attention, and judgement ruined their relationship before it'd had the time to even start?

But Tony had chosen that moment to burst into Steve's apartment, located in one of the lower levels of the Avengers Tower, to announce him they've found one of Hydra's main bases - something they've  _never_  been able to get their hands on before - and Loki's scepter that's been missing since before SHIELD was dismantled.

And Steve couldn't call Bucky when there were chances Hydra could notice they've been discovered and vanish into thin air before the Avengers got to them.

Inside the elevator, Steve thinks that he can't be faulted for not calling. He wants to take his time when he finally calls Bucky - whose number he memorized by heart as it spilled in halting little syllables from Bucky's sensual mouth - and make him realize how important he is to Steve. Calling him just to say he's got less than a minute to talk seems pointless and cruel. It'd give Bucky the wrong impression; that Steve doesn't care, and that saving the world comes before Bucky's pretty blue eyes.

Which...  _is true_ , but not the kind of message Steve wants to be sending to the man he's trying to court.

"You seem odd," Natasha tells him, nudging him gently with her elbow to draw his attention. "Is something wrong?"

Steve looks down at her through the openings in his helmet designed for his eyes and sighs, not really knowing how to explain in only a few words. But that's apparently enough for the former spy because Natasha's lips curl in a knowing smirk.

"Oh,  _heart_  troubles. What's their name?"

The Avengers know that Steve's batting for both teams, and have never questioned or disrespected him for that, for which Steve's immensely grateful.

If anything, Tony sounded almost  _envious_  when he found out.

"Uh," Steve very eloquently replies, reaching back to check that his shield's in place. "Bucky."

Bucky's name is enough to prompt a wide, uncontrollable smile on his face, all the memories of their sparring and friendly banter rushing back. Among  _other_  things, Steve thinks and immediately colors from a mix of pleasure and embarrassment.

Natasha's well-defined eyebrows shoot up.

"Well, well, Rogers," she laughs. "This guy's making you happy?"

"Yeah, he's... beautiful. And smart. And also managed to kick my ass more than once. He's a police officer."

"Score!" Clint deadpans from the other side of the elevator, checking on his arrows.

Steve looks up and his face grows even hotter when he realizes that everyone's been listening to him gushing over Bucky. Tony lifts both thumbs up when their eyes meet, and Steve laughs despite himself at the other man's goofy expression. As for Thor, he reaches around Natasha and claps Steve's shoulder hard, beaming at him.

"A warrior worthy of the Captain!"

Steve thinks about Bucky's badge, and how the other man had reduced the police's work during the Attack to "simply helping the civilians to safety" - as if that wasn't as honorable and useful as facing the Chitauri. Steve can't wait to see Bucky again and ask him more about his profession and why he's chosen it, and most important: if he truly believes that he's not helping the people as much (if not more) as the Avengers.

If that's the case, Steve will make it his  _mission_  to prove him wrong. It took a lot of courage and dedication from both the law enforcement and the fire service to remain at the Avengers' side during the Attack, and it's something Steve's always admired. It was never only the Avengers' actions - they alone were never sufficient. It's when the people unite and face the enemy as one that miracles truly happen, and battles are won. Who knows how much more catastrophic the casualties could have been without their support?

Steve returns the god of thunder's smile, agreeing wholeheartedly with the statement. Bucky  _is_ worthy, and of  _so much_ ; the question is if Steve's going to be able to give him everything he deserves.

Bruce however doesn't utter a word or tear his gaze away from his clasped hands until the elevator's door open and they all rush out. And Steve doesn't hold an ounce of resentment against him. He knows how hard it gets for him once the excitement and stress level starts climbing, and he still needs to hold the beast inside until they've reached their final destination. All the others can do is hope that the Hulk won't emerge while they're in the tower, or aboard Tony's jet.

The last time had been no fun at all.

* * *

Bucky wakes up gradually to a myriad of throbbing pains all over his body. 

He opens his eyes and groans at the back of his throat. It doesn't take long until the fog of sleepiness dissipates from Bucky's mind, and the memories start trickling slowly back.

The bakery. The mad man with a gun.

The little girl, Cassie, shot over her right collarbone, moaning in pain when Bucky squats silently beside her and picks her up none too gently, intent on getting her out of this hell before it's too late. Before the shooter can come back from the back of the shop where he's disappeared with the owner, and find them.

Bucky shivers under the covers when he remembers the moment he and his partner had spotted the injured civilian - a  _child_  - far into the shop while they waited for their reinforcements. Their orders had been to stay put and wait for the rest of the team. They didn't know what they were truly dealing with and it was better than barging in and risking getting any hostages killed. 

But Bucky hadn't hesitated. His hands had been febrile when he'd slipped carefully inside the bakery through the shattered front window, deaf to his partner's alarmed call. His stomach had been in knots, and his heart jack-hammering against his ribcage. But he couldn't just stand there and wait when there was another human being in need of help.

After it was all over, Bucky's Deputy Chief had called him and his partner back to the precinct and ordered their temporary discharge. It wasn't definitive, and it wasn't a vacation either; but they needed to evaluate how much Bucky had fucked up by ignoring direct orders and going in without his partner's assent, and that required time.

Luis had been alarmed when he'd first heard the word "discharge", and he'd thrown an apologetic look at Bucky who had been too busy beating himself over for not getting that little girl out of the shop sooner. But the Chief had explained that they both needed to be reevaluated by the department's psychologist, and until then, and until the results of the investigation on all the events of the shooting, it'd be better for the two officers if they spent some time away from the precinct.

Bucky scratches his scalp then rubs at a sore shoulder, remembering how close he'd been to announcing his resignation then and there. It's a good thing Luis noticed how shaken he'd been and pulled him out of the Chief's office before he could open his mouth and do something he might be regretting now.

_Thanks, Luis._

However, Bucky doesn't recall getting into a fight yesterday; not any kind that'd leave him so sore the morning after. He feels like he's been stomped by a herd of enraged buffaloes. His thoughts are still too jumbled, and everything hurts too much so Bucky decides to leave that for later and throws the covers away, rolling out of bed before standing up on wobbly feet.

Pain immediately shoots up his spine, lower back especially hurting like a  _motherfucker_.

"Fuck," Bucky groans, bending forward a little to alleviate the unpleasant sensation.

He walks like this into his bathroom down the hallway, a constant stream of  _what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck_ tumbling out of his lips at every painful step he takes.

After taking off his shirt and shoving his boxer briefs down his unstable legs (and eyes lingering on weirdly-shaped bruises all over his thighs, but his brain refuses to make any helpful comments) - Bucky very carefully climbs into the bathtub. He hisses when he comes in contact with the cold marble, but it'll be nothing compared to the cold shower coming his way. Hot showers are not for the morning.

It's only after he's turned the tap of cold water that his brain finally clears from the fog of drowsiness, and Bucky remembers.

He remembers incredible reflexes he can't possibly match and bruises left by a bout of friendly sparring.

He remembers warmth and excitement; fun and pleasure. He remembers embarrassment and wonder, too.

He remembers powerful arms holding him in place, a firm chest plastered against his back and hot water pouring over him as he climaxes like never before, split open by a thick cock.

He remembers exhaustion, satiety and radiating contentment all wrapped up in one.

He remembers the perfection that is Steve Rogers.

And he grabs the shower curtain just in time to avoid falling on his ass.

* * *

_The ballroom falls silent._

_Peggy's vanished, her last words still ringing loud in Steve's ears._

_"You can go home, now."_

_But Steve's never really had a home. Not before the war, and now that it's all over he's not sure what'd be left of his old apartment back in Brooklyn. He's afraid of what the future holds for Captain America when there's nothing left to fight for. It's a terrible way to feel, but the war seems almost preferable to coming back to that lonely place where nobody's waiting for him. Where he knows nobody, and nobody's ever cared about the old him._

_It doesn't matter that he's taller now, and way more attractive. Fear is fear, and Steve's known loneliness in the arms of people only ever interested in the body, not the heart._

_"Steve?"_

_He turns around with his heart beating fast, able to recognize that voice anywhere. Bucky's standing in the middle of the deserted ballroom, and he's unexpectedly dressed like he too belongs to Steve's past. He's... beautiful._

_The room around Steve blurs at the edges when Bucky comes to a halt with their chests almost brushing against each other, face so close Steve wonders why they're not kissing._

_"Don't be afraid," Bucky says, dark blue eyes shining with silent understanding because unlike Peggy, he can see past Steve's impeccable appearance, the fake exterior of determination and self-assurance he puts on for the public. Only Bucky can reach that place inside him where everything hurts so badly Steve can barely breathe. "You have me, now-"_

_The echo of the shot tears through the air like thunder; sudden and terrifying._

_"Bucky!"_

_Steve's eyes widen and his heart freezes painfully inside his chest when blood spills from Bucky's temple. The smaller man's smile falls, slowly, blue eyes going dull and he stumbles into Steve's arms who catches him by reflex._

_"Bucky! No, please, don't leave me," Steve shouts, panicked, and drops to his knees._

_His voice turns small when he looks down into Bucky's unseeing eyes._

_"No, Buck... don't go... not when I just found you," he pleads._

_But Bucky's long gone, now. And Steve buries his face in Bucky's neck and lets out a heart-wrenching sob._

* * *

Steve's startled out of his memories by a small hand rubbing his shoulder through the thick layers of his suit.

Natasha's sat down beside him, looking a little more composed than the rest of the utterly demoralized Avengers.

"Stay with us, Steve. Don't go back there."

Her expression is open and concerned, and she's gazing up at him the way she's always done whenever she senses Steve's in need of a friend. Steve's never had anyone caring so much about him - not since Peggy, and even then they only saw each other too sporadically during the war for it to become anything more than tentative friendship and occasional flirting - and he's always grateful whenever she takes the time to check on him.

But Natasha's eyes seem unusually bright, and through the constant terror still squeezing his chest, Steve realizes Natasha's just as badly shaken by what she's seen as the rest of them. She's just better at hiding it.

"C'mere," he murmurs, then wraps an arm around her shoulders.

Natasha doesn't say a word, but still slides closer and snuggles against him with what Steve believes is a grateful sigh. If Clint wasn't injured, he'd be the one providing Natasha the silent comfort she needs, but he's currently passed out and Steve doesn't mind being used as a substitute.

The rest of the flight back to New York is spent in complete silence, and although the atmosphere is still heavy and full of gloom, it's become easier for Steve to breathe. Despite their hard-won victory over Hydra, and the capture of the two inhuman siblings, the Avengers have been hit  _hard_  by the unsettling visions they were subjected to, and not even the recovery of Thor's precious scepter can bring the usually jovial Asgardian to crack the tiniest of smiles.

With Natasha curled tight against his side, Steve stares at the ground and tries to exorcise his nightmarish vision by repeating Bucky's number in his mind.

Over and over again.

* * *

The little girl lays peacefully in the middle of the big hospital bed, tiny tubes coming out of her round nostrils and an IV stuck into the vein of her small arm. She's on a drip of antibiotics, and Bucky had arrived just in time to meet the nurse responsible for checking the levels and Cassie's general state every once in a while.

Bucky's currently sitting in one of the two chairs pushed right next to the bed, one foot on the railing of the bed and the other one on the ground. He's staring at Cassie Lang, arms hugging himself, and praying that she'd just... wake up. Mr Lang - _"m_ _an, at this point you can call me Scott"_  - has gone on a much needed coffee break, swearing that he'll be back very soon with a cup for Bucky, too.

So for now, it's only Bucky and Cassie in the relatively silent room. There's another bed next to Cassie's, right behind Bucky's chair, with a little boy who's got a couple of broken bones. Scott introduced him as Peter, and added for Bucky's ears only that the boy was very shy and would spend his days on his console or talking with his aunt, so he wasn't to worry about him. Bucky has yet to meet the boy's aunt.

Scott's back after a break of merely twenty minutes, with a steaming cup in each hand, and a bagged pastry that he throws from across the room and straight in Peter's lap. Both men share a look and a silent laugh at the boy's happy squeal, and the _"sweet, thank you Mr Lang!"_ that follows.

Bucky accepts the second cup and watches as Scott lets himself fall heavily onto his chair.

"Bucky, you know you're free to leave whenever you want, right?"

Bucky grimaces into his cup.

"I know," he replies after swallowing a large gulp of coffee. "I wanna be here with Cassie. It's this or sitting at home with a bottle of Jack and all kinds of horrible scenarios playing out in my mind. I'd rather be here, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, I think I get it, man. And I wasn't being an ungrateful asshat, by the way. I really appreciate you keeping watch over Cassie."

Bucky nods, and they keep drinking their coffee in silence.

Bucky can't see Cassie's wound, hidden under the hospital gown, but he can still imagine the entry point of the bullet whenever he closes his eyes. He can still see her bleeding out on the floor, innocent eyes full of confusion and hurt. And  _terror_.

Bucky swipes a hand over his face, dragging the pads of his fingers hard over his features. But it's either obsessing over this, or making himself sick with suppositions as to why Steve _goddamn_ Rogers didn't call him - like he so _earnestly_ promised. And Bucky  _did_ analyze every single thing Steve's said to him yesterday to the point where he gave himself a headache.

"I just hope we're not keeping you away from your wife."

"Oh, don't worry, there's no Mrs Barnes," Bucky scoffs.

He pictures Steve's painfully handsome face, the bashful smile and those piercing blue eyes and almost lets a regretful sigh escape him.

"Not married?" Scott inquires.

"Nope. And not really interested in any _Mrs_ , either. I hope that's not a problem," Bucky adds, gauging Scott's reaction from the corner of his eyes.

But Scott barely makes a little "whatever" gesture.

"Alright, take this from someone who knows their shit: don't ever marry."

Bucky raises an eyebrow questioningly, but Scott just stares at him with a dead serious expression, so... that's that.

Bucky has a ridiculous, fleeting fantasy of telling Steve _"I do"_  before standing up on his toes and kissing him in front of family and friends and all the rest of the world to see.

 _Stop it_ , he orders himself, squashing the bubble of hope before it can hurt him any more.

He's spent most of his morning dwelling on the numerous reasons why Steve didn't call last night, and still hasn't done so today. Maybe he'd only been faking interest yesterday when he'd asked for Bucky's number. Maybe he'd just wanted to leave Bucky with a good impression - he _is_ Captain America, after all, and he's got a reputation to maintain; or so Bucky supposes. Bucky has no doubt that Steve enjoyed their time together as much as he did, but maybe it was only ever meant to be that - a good time. A one-time thing. A fling. A hot, semi-anonymous encounter; an adventure like Steve's probably known _many_ before. Bucky's sure he can't be the first, and now he knows with a cruel certainty that he won't be the last.

Bucky thinks he kind of always suspected it'd end like this. But then Steve had gone and asked for his number, and made him feel so  _goddamn_ special that Bucky had... maybe... started to hope, a little.

He'd spent the night with his cellphone clutched in his hand, waiting for Steve's call. He barely drank anything, despite the nerves, too afraid of ending up too drunk and missing the call.

Now Bucky wishes he'd drunk himself stupid, so that he could have forgotten the long hours spent waiting like a fucking idiot. And if there's someone he's angry at, it's himself. He's been too stupid to read Steve's signals; too  _starstruck_ , and now he's paying for his carelessness with a heavy heart and head full of broken dreams.

"M'kay, will keep that in mind," Bucky eventually answers back.

Afterwards, they remain in companionable silence for a while (only occasionally interrupted by the sound effects of Peter's console) until Bucky's phone starts vibrating inside the back pocket of his jeans.

At first Bucky doesn't even notice, and it's only after Scott nudges him and mouths  _"your phone?"_ that Bucky puts his cup down on Cassie's bedside table and hurries to fish his phone out of his back pocket. _  
_

He gives the screen a cursory glance, noting the unknown number, and swipes his thumb to accept the call.

"Yeah, this is Barnes."

He's halfway to the door when Steve Rogers' voice greets him on the other end of the line.

"Bucky? It's Steve."

* * *

 Bucky rushes outside and only stops when he's reached the end of the hallway, and pushed the door that leads to an emergency staircase open with his foot.

His heart's somewhere in his throat when he finally stops moving and answers, somewhat breathless.

"Hi, Steve! How are you?"

_That's right, keep it smooth, Barnes._

On the other end, Steve remains quiet for a little longer than what Bucky considers to be normal, and he's immediately worried.

"Steve, are you OK?"

"Yeah," Steve lets out, voice sounding different on the phone; lighter, but still easily recognizable. "Where are you, now?"

"Uh, at the hospital."

"Bucky?!" Steve's alarmed tone feels like someone's just poured a bucket of ice-cold water over Bucky's head. "Are you hurt? What happened?!"

Bucky smacks himself on the forehead, only a little pleased at Steve's sudden outburst.

"No, no, I'm sorry! I meant I'm here to visit someone."

"So... you're alright?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?" Steve outright whines into Bucky's ear.

"Oh  _goddamnit_ , Steve," Bucky laughs, not as annoyed as he pretends to be. " _Yes_ , I'm alright, I _promise!"_

Bucky considers adding that he can't say the same about his  _ass_ (his back stopped being a bitch after he traded his usual cold morning shower for a hot bath) - but then has to remind himself that this isn't _that_  kind of call, and he doesn't want to make it awkward for Steve, in case the latter didn't call to discuss the events of yesterday.

"Bucky, I need to see you."

And although it's _Steve Rogers_ calling just like he swore he would, and everything's like a dream right now, this simple request still comes as a complete surprise for Bucky. He wonders if Steve always sounds so  _needy_  all the time - or if it's just with him.

"I need to know you're OK," Steve explains, voice going softer, and the call is suddenly unbearably intimate. "I... Bucky, I need..."

"Yeah," Bucky breathes into the phone. "What else do you need, Steve?"

_"Just you."_

And  _god_ , but Bucky's never heard those two words directed only at him, and in a tone that's so _downright_   _miserable_ that it makes his chest tighten painfully. Or maybe it's his heart that's just gotten so much bigger, swelling from all the love and adoration he feels for this man.

This is probably why Bucky blurts out his address on the spot, and asks Steve if he can meet him there in about an hour and a half (that's how long it'd take him to get home from the hospital). On the other end of the line, Steve's breathing has sped up; from excitement or apprehension or both - Bucky can't tell. When Bucky's done talking, he just mutters his agreement and hangs up with a soft "see you soon, Buck."

And Bucky's left gaping at the opposite wall for a full minute before it hits him that he's going to have Captain America over at his tiny apartment, and the place is quite literally a pigsty.

"Fuck!"

* * *

Steve's timing is truly on point.

Bucky's folding the last pair of pants that were hanging from the couch when his doorbell rings. Bucky immediately throws the pants into the drawer and pushes it closed with his hip.

As he crosses his living room, looking clean as it'd ever be, he tries in vain to relax. He doesn't want to appear over-eager in front of Steve, even though the guy literally came to his apartment just to see him. Unfortunately, it's not an easy thing to forget years of absolute adoration for the icon that is Captain America, and Bucky suspects that no small amount of time spent in his company will be enough to make him forget  _that_. Bucky still forces himself to think of him as just... _Steve_. That guy he happens to find extremely hot. And fun.  _Not_ Captain America.

"It's just Steve," Bucky mumbles under his breath before unlocking his door and opening it wide.

Bucky's barely got time to take a quick look at Steve -  _fuck_ , still dressed in his  _fucking_  Captain America suit minus the helmet and shield - before Steve's rushing inside, slamming the door behind himself and picking Bucky up like he weighs nothing.

_So much for 'just Steve'._

"Hello to you, too!" Bucky laughs and wraps his arms around Steve's neck, and he's immediately silenced by Steve's cold lips claiming his mouth for a rough kiss.

Bucky drinks in Steve's groans and the frenetic excitement pouring out of the other man with little muffled sounds of his own. Then Steve suddenly draws back and with his big palms cupping Bucky's ass, he hauls him up until his face's buried in Bucky's crotch.

"Shit!" Bucky shouts in surprise, flailing uncontrollably at first until his hands find Steve's head and he holds on tight, fingers woven into his blond hair while the other hand's clutching the coarse fabric of the back of his suit. Bucky's legs are now dangling from Steve's shoulders, and when Steve suddenly opens his mouth and starts making out with Bucky's bulge through his pants, the smaller man almost falls down from his perch from the shock.

" _Fuck_ , Steve! W-what are you doing?"

"Open your _fucking_ pants," Steve speaks right against Bucky's quickly hardening cock before licking and sucking it back into his mouth.

Bucky bends over and claws at Steve's back, caught between the adrenaline of such a strangely acrobatic blowjob, and the euphoria of being manhandled by Steve once more. Now that he's had all that time to think (and mop) about meeting Steve Rogers, he can't get used to the idea of Captain America using words like... fucking. It was already dirty yesterday in the showers, but today, in the middle of Bucky's apartment, it's downright _obscene._

When he's got a semblance of a balance back, Bucky reaches down with one hand and unbuttons and unzips his jeans with an ease born from habit. 

The moment he's revealed his black boxer brief, though, Steve's mouth's engulfing him in heat through the thin fabric again, and Bucky moans and grabs Steve's hair to steady himself. He's never seen someone in such a frenzy to have sex with him - to the point of not even giving Bucky a single moment to take his damn underwear off. It's like he's some kind of potent drug, and Steve's gone cold turkey for too long, and it's the best fucking feeling  _ever_.

All his bottled-up disappointment and frustration from last night bleeds out of him, escaping his body with a long, drawn-out moan.

Steve's tongue's suddenly replaced by teeth between Bucky's legs, and he chews at his clothed hard-on like a puppy would a toy.

"Steve!" Bucky cries out, only a  _little_ afraid now. "Let me down?"

Steve's growl, right against Bucky's most tender parts, is enough to raise all the hairs on his body. Then the teeth are replaced by a hot wet tongue again and it only takes a couple of hard, insistent licks and Steve sucking his bulge almost entirely inside his mouth for Bucky to erupt inside his boxer briefs.

 _"Steve,"_ he moans almost reverently, arms and legs tightening their precarious hold on the taller man as he rides his orgasm with Steve's head buried between his thighs.

Steve never lets go of him, fingers digging deliciously into his ass cheeks and smaller back, mouth working him until Bucky's stopped shaking and is just hanging limply on top of Steve, hugging him against his lap like a kid would a giant teddy bear.

It's only then that Steve finally looks around and decides to lay the smaller man gently down onto the couch. Bucky needs some help unclasping his arms and legs from around Steve, but once it's done he reaches for him and drags him down until he's lying atop Bucky.

Bucky nuzzles the other man's neck and smells gun powder, smoke, and sweat.

"Did you just come back from a mission?" He asks tentatively, arms wrapping around Steve's wide shoulders because Bucky tends to crave a lot of physical contact after sex, and has never been shy or embarrassed about it.

Steve nods, and Bucky feels his nose brushing Bucky's forehead. He drops a small kiss there, then another, and Bucky sighs happily at the gesture.

"Is this... why you didn't call?"

Bucky holds his breath, hoping he didn't just overstep some kind of boundaries. Steve isn't being very communicative today, or not as much as Bucky remembers, and he doesn't know if it's something that's happened during his mission or if it's got something to do with Bucky himself.

"Yeah," Steve finally breathes hotly into Bucky's hair, his own arms leaving the couch and wrapping Bucky into an impossibly tight hug. "I'm sorry I didn't. I know I should have warned you, but it was Hydra, and you were distracting me enough as it were. Calling you would have made it worse."

Bucky gasps involuntarily, and makes another affronted sound when Steve finally seems to relax and laughs quietly above him.

"That was a compliment, if I wasn't being clear enough."

"Huh?"

Steve scoots back, only enough to look down into Bucky's guarded eyes.

"I never stopped thinking about you from the moment you got into that taxi. And I can't tell you much about last night's mission since it's pretty much classified and highly dangerous for anyone involved, but... I wanted to call you. All night long, and today too, all I could think about was getting to hear your voice again."

Bucky smiles; it's a big, dopey grin that threatens to split his face in two. There's still a small part of him that wonders if this isn't just sweet talk, but then he can't deny that Steve appears to have come straight from his last mission, and the lines around his eyes and his mouth speak undeniably of worry, and lack of sleep. So truthful or not, Bucky still tilts his head up and kisses Steve's lips with as much tenderness as he can muster. 

It's _'thank you'_ and _'I admire you'_ and _'I love you so fucking much and I think I always have'_ all together.

Bucky feels Steve's smile against his mouth, and then Steve's hands are on his face and he's kissing him with something akin to desperation.

"Did you have a good night's sleep?" Steve pants once he's released Bucky's mouth, but then before he can answer he's kissing him again.

It's only once Bucky's got his tongue back in his own mouth that he manages to say, "yeah, thanks to you I slept through most of the day yesterday" - to which Steve only replies with a satisfied little "good" before yanking Bucky's pants down along with his underwear and diving back between Bucky's legs.

" _Uh_... fuck!" Bucky stutters when Steve sucks him inside his mouth, this time with nothing standing between Bucky's naked skin and Steve's hot wet tongue. 

* * *

Bucky doesn't even know why it comes out as a surprise when they break two lamps.

And Bucky's coffee table.

 _And_... his bed.

He should have seen it coming, and he should be pissed off or only a bit worried about the cost of replacing half of his belongings. But all he does is add his breathless giggles to Steve's uncontrollable, post-coital laughter as they lay together in the middle of the now caved in part of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Steve whispers against the soft skin behind Bucky's ear, eternally-hard cock gliding lazily between Bucky's parted thighs. "I'll replace everything I've broken."

He means the furniture, but Bucky can't help thinking,  _you've already done a great job with my heart._

* * *

This time, Steve doesn't stop at six orgasms. He's at his seventh (and Bucky only at his third) when he finally consents to Bucky eating him out. He's always been shy about it, and it makes Bucky all the more eager to get his mouth on the most secret part of Steve's body whenever Steve shows a little reservation.

He lets Bucky lick him open on the bathroom floor and for the first time in his life he gets to hang on the edge for longer than a handful of minutes, thanks to Bucky's expert mouth and tongue and a tight, merciless fist wrapped at the base of Steve's straining member.

Every time Steve feels that he's about to shoot, Bucky would somehow guess from the way he clenches around Bucky's slippery little tongue and he'd tighten his fist until it hurt,  _effectively_ staving his climax off.

 _"Buck_... god, _please!"_

It lasts for a good, long while and when Steve's nothing but a quivering, sobbing pile of want on the plush bathroom rug - only then does Bucky take pity on him and he quickly crawls on his back between Steve's spread legs before lapping his engorged cock into his mouth and bringing him to a sudden, blissful release.

"We need to get you a cock ring," Bucky whispers sweetly in his ear afterwards, Steve's arms holding him flush against his relaxed body. "So you can finally enjoy a good,  _long_ rimming without being able to come even once."

Steve isn't even sure what kind of jewelry that is but the words only are _almost_ enough to make him shoot another load then and there.

* * *

It's the middle of the night when Bucky wriggles a little on his broken bed, grinding his ass into Steve's interested crotch. They've had dinner together a couple of hours ago, and Steve had basically eaten his way through everything in Bucky's kitchen - by always making a point of eating it from Bucky's naked body.

"You can... if you wanna," he sighs into the dark.

He feels sore like never before, but Steve hasn't been inside him since the late afternoon, trying his best not to hurt Bucky and instead enjoying Bucky's tongue and all it could do for a little longer. But Bucky knows what Steve prefers the most - he let it slip while he was fucking Bucky for the second, or maybe the third time today - and he really wants to be able to give him everything he wants.

Bucky only has to think of Steve coming into his apartment still fully dressed as Captain America, probably still haunted by the battle and whatever he's seen out there. He only has to remember how laconic he was for the longest time before he'd finally opened up and become the playful, easy-going man Bucky'd met yesterday on the boxing ring.

Bucky only has to think about all the evil Steve's fighting against everyday to keep them all safe and he feels like whimpering and climbing Steve like a tree and impaling himself on his cock with a torrent of comforting words and promises.

He's absolutely too  _drained_ to do that, though. So a not-so-subtle invitation will have to do.

Invitation that Steve seems to accept with a kiss at the hollow of Bucky's neck where he's the most sensitive, and hands taking hold of his ass cheeks and tenderly spreading him open.

Bucky bites his pillow when pain and pleasure mix together, going in and out of consciousness as Steve slowly fucks into him before bringing him to an equally painful, dry orgasm, his cock throbbing and twitching between his legs but unable to produce anything more.

Bucky's passed out before he's even had the time to come down from the high, his last coherent sensations the feel of Steve's warm seed coating his insides, and his bulking arms wrapped comfortably around Bucky's body.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

The morning after is so sweet it nearly breaks Bucky's heart.

He wakes up to a blue-eyed look filled with happy wonder, followed by a whispered  _'good morning'_   against the soft skin of his temple. In that moment, the emotions from yesterday come rushing back, magnified like never before. And just like this, he knows that he's completely, irrevocably in love with Steve Rogers.

Loving Steve feels as natural as breathing.

* * *

Bucky's body is once again one giant, throbbing pain.

However this time Steve has been more careful, restraining himself to entering Bucky _only_ trice - so it's not as bad as the first time. And Bucky can also feel that he's starting to get used to being thoroughly ravished.

It still hurts like a motherfucker, though - more than it'd have with anyone else.

But Bucky's only interested in the man currently lying next to him.

Then Steve rolls them over and finds himself on top of the covers and Bucky, and the smaller man can't help the pained little moan from spilling out of him from all this moving around and the sudden extra pressure on his lower back. 

Steve frowns.

"Are you..."

"I'm fine," Bucky cuts him off, breathing harshly.

It's not a lie. He  _will_ live.

It just won't be a very comfortable life until his backside stops shooting white-hot pain up his spine with every move he makes.

Steve doesn't appear to be fooled at all. Instead he kisses Bucky's forehead and offers a tiny "sorry".

"Sorry for what? _Fucking_ me?" 

Bucky laughs, and it shakes them both and sinks them further into the dip of the broken bed where they're both still standing. When he looks up again he can't read the expression on Steve's face, but something in there makes him want to... fidget. He's suddenly very self-conscious, but before he can do anything about it there are more kisses lain gently on Bucky's forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and even the dimple of his chin.

A giggle threatens to burst out of him at the idea that Captain America kissed his dimple. Steve must notice the mirth shimmering in his eyes because the previous unreadable mask falls and he's smiling so bright it's like a punch in Bucky's solar plexus.

All the air rushes out of him and he's left staring dazedly at Steve.

"What?" Steve asks, voice soft and deeper than usual.

Intimate.

Bucky shivers and runs his hands down Steve's gloriously naked back, which results in even more shivers on his side. Steve is just always so  _warm_.

"Nothing," he says, barely above a whisper. "What time is it? Do you... have to be somewhere?"

"Do _you_?"

Bucky shakes his head. Steve seems puzzled by that answer, certainly remembering Bucky's line of work. But when Bucky doesn't offer any explanations _(It's too soon. I can't tell him that. He doesn't care. It's my failure),_ he doesn't push.

Bucky's glad. He'd hate to ruin the mood.

"So," Steve prompts then with a playful lilt in his husky voice, and Bucky feels like he's only _now_ dropped his full weight on him, pinning him underneath his powerful body. "Since we both have all the time..."

It fucking  _hurts_  so much Bucky closes his eyes and doesn't exactly think before he's grabbing Steve's shoulders and pushing him away.

"Oh my God," he whines, still struggling to get free, "go away, you sex fiend!"

Eyes still closed, he chuckles when he hears Steve huff but move away, finally freeing Bucky from his heavy embrace.

"I'm going to need a _lot_  more than a couple of hours to recuperate from yesterday's marathon, alright?"

When he opens his eyes again, Bucky notices a shadow crossing Steve's face. It's instantly gone, so fleeting it's like it never existed, but it's enough to dampen Bucky's good spirits.

He's got no idea what could have prompted it, and his stomach drops when he thinks it may be because he's unable to satisfy Steve sexually.

It's been kind of a major worry for him.

But then Steve is smiling again and getting out of the bed, all flawless skin and form on display. Bucky tugs the covers up to his chin and shamelessly wolf-whistles, like he's a sailor on the docks and Steve's an attractive woman walking by.

Steve smirks.

"Care if I grab a shower?"

Bucky shakes his head, kind of enthralled by the sight of a wonderfully naked Steve Rogers standing casually in the middle of his room, bathed in soft morning light.

At his bare feet are Bucky's clothes with a tricolor heap on top that can only be Steve's uniform.

With another smug little smirk _(oh, he knows he looks so good to me),_ Steve walks out of the room and Bucky hears him a few moments later in the adjacent bathroom, turning the shower on.

* * *

 Bucky truly wishes Steve'd drowned in that shower.

"Come on, Bucky."

"No," he moans from somewhere deepinside his cocoon of blankets. "I'm tired, Steve! Leave me alone!"

"The gym is only two streets down your door."

"I won't go to the gym at fucking 10 AM! Captain Crazy Bastard," he mumbles that last part under his breath.

And yelps like a startled cat when Steve unexpectedly lifts him up from the bed, blankets and all.

"Let me down! I'm not going!"

"Yes you are!"

_"Steeeve!"_

* * *

Bucky's slouching against the back of the couch, blankets pooling at his feet and skin covered in bruises left by Steve's hands and mouth, old and new. He's also actively glaring at Steve from under hooded eyes still heavy with sleep.

Steve wants nothing more but to knock him over onto the couch and have his way with the gorgeous man. But Bucky's protests had been pretty clear: Steve's forbidden from coming anywhere near his ass for the time being, so unfortunately that's not happening. Steve's only other option for getting rid of all his energy is to work out. Preferably without sleep-warm and beautifully pliant Bucky standing next to him.

Now if he could convince Bucky to join him, the work out might entail a very happy end.

But most of all, Steve's hoping for a chance to spend more time with Bucky - simple as that. He wants to know him better, without coming off as greedy for every minor detail of Bucky's life as he feels.

And they can't exactly date each other like normal people do. Steve's too famous for that not to turn into a complete disaster. And Bucky on the other hand is not famous _enough_ to know how to arm himself against the intrusion of the public in his private life. Steve's used to it by now - but Bucky certainly won't appreciate that very much, and won't be sticking around long enough to learn how to deal with the paparazzi, or the avalanche of interview requests and invasive questions.

He's actually not even sure if _'Bucky'_ is Bucky's real name. It doesn't seem likely, but then... he's heard worse.

"Why don't we just go back to bed? Please? I promise I'll let you do anything you want to me."

Steve's thinking about a couple of devious ways to entice Bucky and sway him into joining him when Bucky throws that offer out in the open.

His words hang heavily between them for what feels like a while.

Then Steve finally gets to topple them both onto that damn couch.

* * *

After Steve's departure, wearing whatever Bucky could dig up from his closet (and looking like he's about to burst out of his clothes), Bucky's apartment feels strangely empty and cold.

Bucky tries his best to ignore the feeling.

* * *

They only see each other sporadically over the next couple of weeks.

While Steve's busy tirelessly protecting the world wide peace from all around the globe, Bucky's still in New York, and also back on duty.

He and Luis had both passed their psychological test with flying colors, which had turned out to be the only requirement before they could get back to work. None of the bigwigs had found anything of consequence against Bucky and his partner, Bucky's reckless actions described as 'heroic' in the official report of the events.

He and Luis were even to be decorated in public and in the presence of the mayor.

It was no doubt a political stunt in anticipation of next year's elections. But it was still wholly unexpected and possibly, Bucky thought, _undeserved_ - but a turn of event Scott had been overjoyed to hear about when Bucky had called him to share the news. He and his daughter would probably receive an invitation soon as a date was decided.

Bucky thought about calling Steve. He was very tempted to do it, more than once. 

But Steve was away on some secret Avengers business, and Bucky wasn't sure it would be entirely safe. He worried too much about Steve to dare distract him from his mission with such trivial matters. It was after all a stupid ceremony about something Steve and his team could do in their  _sleep._

Steve wouldn't care.

* * *

One day, after the longest period of time without seeing each other, Bucky's phone vibrates from the following message:

[from: Steve]

**I was thinking we could do with a change of scenery :)**

Bucky's breathing slows down until he's not sure if his lungs are still working or if he's about to collapse from lack of oxygen. Luis shoots him a questioning look inside their patrol car when he notices Bucky's turned into a statue beside him, but Bucky ignores him altogether.

Because on the inside, he's freaking out big time.

Is Steve about to ask him out? On a date? In  _public?_

They've only ever met at the gym or back at Bucky's apartment, for a total of sixteen hookups. All prompted by a very needy Steve breathing the filthiest dirt into Bucky's ear from the other side of the phone line.

Bucky's never made a secret of his sexual orientation, not at work nor in his everyday life. He doesn't talk _extensively_ about it but he's never considered himself a closeted case either.

As for Steve, he's never come out publicly; otherwise Bucky would have been one of the first to know. Bucky isn't actually sure if Steve's 100% gay or if his story with Peggy Carter had been as serious as depicted in the history books and magazines. He's personally always thought it was nothing but a cover story. But he's never asked, and Steve's never offered. The thing between them is really just fucking. A  _lot_ of fucking - after which Bucky's often too exhausted to hold any kind of conversation.

All in all, what Steve's implying now... it's  _insane_.

But no less exhilarating.

Bucky's on cloud nine when he finally snaps out of his state of absolute shock and starts typing.

[to: Steve]

**what are you suggesting?**

By now Luis' watching him very intently while munching on his lunch. Bucky tries not to think too much about what he must look like right now, clutching his phone like it holds all the answers and sweating profusely.

[from: Steve]

**Well, Nat's been nagging me about you for ages and I thought it'd be nice for you to finally meet the team.**

**What do you say?**

**The Tower has a giant 'jacuzzi', you wouldn't believe the size of that thing!**

Bucky's able to reign in his crushing disappointment only because the idea of meeting the Avengers is filling him with absolute panic that leaves little space for any other emotion.

Just what is Steve thinking, proposing something like that? What would Bucky even look like standing in the middle of the most dangerous, most powerful beings in the universe? How could he ever compare to these people who Steve sees  _daily?_

He even calls _the_  Black Widow - the infamous assassin who used to work for none other but the fucking KGB -  _'Nat'!_

Bucky would make such an ass of himself, he can already see it happening in front of his eyes as clear as a picture.

[to: Steve]

**i'm not sure that'd be a good idea**

It's terrible. It sounds too harsh and it's  _so so so terrible_ and Bucky's typing now like his life depends on it.

[to: Steve]

**i mean isn't it a bit too soon?**

"Who're you texting?"

"Nobody," Bucky grunts, eyes never tearing from the glowing screen of his phone.

"Uh-huh."

[from: Steve]

**Oh**

Bucky swears.

That one word's the most dejected little thing Bucky's ever read. He can almost hear Steve's voice and imagine those sad puppy eyes.

_Oh god, I've disappointed Captain America._

He remembers the shadow crossing Steve's features their first morning together, and he knows that he's caused it once again. He just knows.

And like the coward that he is, Bucky curses a lot, sweats a little more and then offers a hasty apology and a promise to call Steve soon as he's got some free time.

Steve doesn't send anything back.

* * *

There's been a suspicious activity downtown.

The Avengers have gathered outside an inconspicuous-looking building that's been put under quarantine alongside its distressed occupants. Tony's suit is giving strange readings, signaling an unknown type of radiation, and they're keeping the rest of the civilians at a safe distance with the help of the firemen and all the police officers who've turned up at their request.

They're now gearing up to enter the building and find the source of the radiations when Steve spots a familiar silhouette across the street.

Not that he was looking for him, or anything.

Maybe just a  _little_ looking.

And there he's standing, filling out his uniform in all the right places while speaking to an agitated old lady.

"That's him?" Natasha asks, materializing suddenly beside him without a warning.

Steve startles and drops his shield. The sound attracts the eye of multiple bystanders and a couple of the officers, too. Fortunately, Bucky seems completely oblivious and is still in the middle of his conversation with that lady, who's now pointing at the building behind them.

Steve swears as he watches Natasha bend over and pick up his shield. Then blushes when she gives it back with a knowing look.

"You should go talk to him," she suggests, all feigned innocence on display.

Steve shrugs and looks away.

Natasha frowns.

"Rogers. Don't tell me this is because-"

"Aaaand we're all set, children!" Tony announces, his voice carrying loudly over the loudspeakers of his suit.

Steve covers up his sigh of relief and turns it into a polite cough, not feeling in the mood to undergo Natasha's interrogation. He's already told her about Bucky's refusal to meet Steve's friends, and they'd already argued back then about Bucky's possibles motives. Well, the whole room had taken part in the argument.

Natasha had tried to rationalize Bucky's answer, saying it could be that it really  _was_ too soon to meet each other's 'family'. Steve had smiled weakly at that word, but then quickly dismissed her theory. He and Bucky had known each other for over two months, now. And sure they hadn't had many occasions to hold meaningful conversations and there are still  _too many_ sides of Bucky's life that Steve knows nothing about, but... to him, it's so much more than enough to be considered a serious relationship.

Bucky already means the world to him.

"Too late," Steve comments with another shrug and follows immediately after Iron Man.

"Is that him?" Clint asks Natasha behind Steve's back, not even trying to pretend he hadn't been eavesdropping.

Steve tries not to be alarmed at Clint's murderous tone as they all enter the quarantined building.

* * *

The Avengers give the green light after a hour and a half of uneventful search, in the form of a single arrow shot from one of the windows.

The public exclaims as one and then applauds, and the senior woman who's so worried about her husband tugs on Bucky's sleeve and asks once again if it's safe to go inside.

"I'm sorry, but it's still too dangerous for civilians. My team and I will find your husband, I promise."

He carefully frees his arm from her shaky clutch and nods his head once.

His comm comes online and his lieutenant's words crackle at his shoulder, giving the order to follow after the Avengers and start rescuing the residents still trapped inside the building. With a weary sigh, Bucky obeys.

And hopes against all hope that he won't be running into Steve's friends. His very _intimidating_  friends.

* * *

It only lasted a fraction of a second, but Bucky's heart is still beating wildly even hours after.

After they'd brought all the residents out of their apartments and led them down the stairs to the exit safe and sound, Bucky and his colleagues had crossed path with the Avengers guarding the door to the basement. It was apparently where the unknown matter that was giving off radiations was located, and Anthony Stark flanked by Thor and the Hulk were still busy inside.

From what Natasha Romanoff told Bucky's lieutenant, the radiations were not harmful except in case of an extended period of exposition. Most of the residents were thus to be taken to the nearest hospital and tested for any signs of life-threatening symptoms. Stark and his famous AI Jarvis were said to be still working on a solution to contain the strange matter and transport it to a safer location to be studied.

Next to the agent Romanoff, Steve had appeared calm and composed. The perfect embodiment of the good soldier.

Stomach in knots and hands shaking, Bucky had passed them without making eye contact, only catching a word or two from the conversation between his lieutenant and the other Avenger. And he'd almost made it when he'd felt...

He'd felt Steve's fingers brush against his. And then they were gone.

* * *

Lying on top of his bed in the semi darkness without even bothering to take off his uniform, Bucky grins stupidly at his ceiling. And then bites his fingers to stifle it, trying not to giggle like a little schoolgirl.

Because there, in front of  _everyone_ \- Steve Rogers had touched his hand. And it's so _goddamn_ ridiculous to feel this _elated_  about it that Bucky wants to scream.

But he also wants to call Steve.

He wants to call him and apologize for being a dick about last time. He wants to call and confess his love, give Steve something tangible to hold on to before he's decided Bucky isn't worth the trouble. His heart is pounding when he imagines himself saying the words, opening his heart to Steve.

Except that he doesn't know if the Avengers are still on duty, since he's left the scene after the replacement team had arrived.

Biting back his smile, Bucky runs his hand over his face and in his hair. Then he rolls onto his stomach, and the hand slides down his stomach and finds the button of his pants.

He's not turned on yet, but he's missing Steve and his body's starting to forget the shape of him, the intense sensations only Steve's capable of awakening in him. And he wants something to remember him.

Bucky's hot and hard and is up to three lubed up fingers buried inside him when he finally experiences the full-body shudder and soaks his sheets with his warm seed.

It's a lonely and hollow act that leaves him drained and unsatisfied, but behind his tightly-shut eyes, Steve's with him and he's smiling.

* * *

_"Mr Rogers. There's a new message for you."_

Steve takes off his helmet and shrugs out of his uniform. He's on his own level in the Avengers Tower and the last thing he wants after such a stressful day is listen to yet another politician requesting an endorsement.

"Alright," he sighs nonetheless, not one to shirk his responsibilities. "Let's hear it."

_"It's from the mayor. There's to be a ceremony on the 21st in homage to the police precinct of NYC. You're being cordially invited to attend and reward officer Luis Esposito and James Buchanan Barnes with the medal of courage for their heroic actions on-"_

"Wait, wait, say that again! You said-you said _'Barnes'_ -the second name, was it?"

_"James Buchanan Barnes, sir?"_

Steve closes his eyes.

Nods.

Then repeats the name a couple of times, out loud, trying it out for size. 

"James Buchanan. James. So  _t_ _hat's_ what the J stands for!" He claps his hands together, excitedly.

He's thinking of the name written above the buzzer to Bucky's apartment, _J. Barnes_ , and that he never got the chance to ask about. If he hadn't forbidden Natasha to look for every piece of information on the man he'd have know, but... it wasn't the way he wanted to handle his first relationship in decades. However willing the former spy had been to perform her magic - Steve had been absolutely adamant.

Bucky is not a mission.

He's not a bad guy who deserves such a breach in his private affairs, either.

And Steve doesn't want his friends to see him as anything other than Steve's equal. Super abilities or not.

It's still disheartening to realize how long it took to find out Bucky's name without Natasha's help. How come they always end up talking about trivial stuff but never about the things that really matter is beyond Steve's comprehension. He's starting to understand why people go through the hassle of  _dating_  first instead of just... fucking.

"That'll obviously have to change," Steve mumbles some more to himself and he's halfway to the bathroom, naked but for his undershirt and his shorts when he comes to a sudden halt, then goes back to his suit and retrieves the phone from his belt.

Bucky takes an unusually long time to pick up, and when he does he breathes his name like a sensual invitation into the receiver. 

Steve sighs, then to both their surprise -  _growls_.

"James Buchanan Barnes," he says. "You're gonna accept my invitation, and you're gonna show up to meet my friends."

He expects to have to argue with Bucky, and is ready to bring up the fact that he knows about Bucky's little secret and that he owes him after keeping something so important from Steve - when Bucky derails his train of thoughts by agreeing immediately.

"Yes."

One simple word. Quietly.

Steve blinks for a couple of seconds, taken aback. So, it's happening.

Filled with a sudden rush of pleasure/adrenaline/anticipation but mostly a gnawing need to be in Bucky's physical presence, Steve holds a very brief internal debate with himself - then asks if Bucky's OK with him coming over.

Bucky gives him the same beautiful word.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: Check out [Hope's amazing edit from Chapter 1!!](http://hopeless--geek.tumblr.com/post/137384645080) [nsfw]  
> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Changes in chap 4:** I added something that lovely commentator @zacharypay1_Alisa made me realize I never explained. It's located in the very last scene, and if you don't wanna reread to find out, it basically tells you why Natasha didn't go snooping around to find Bucky's full name for Steve.
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading!

* * *

Because the universe always has it out for him, Steve doesn't get to Bucky's apartment before one in the morning. Which is three hours later than he'd planned.

Soon after ending his call, there had indeed been complications with the unknown matter after it'd been brought to the Tower labs, and two of Tony's researchers had been contaminated. They'd turned what Tony had dubbed as 'rabid' when accidentally entering in direct contact with the black stuff, and started attacking the Avengers and Tony's people with no discrimination, and with an unnatural amount of force and savagery.

They'd only been able to neutralize the woman.

The man hadn't made it, after leaving Clint no other choice but to take him out or let more innocent people get hurt.

Both were now held in quarantine, the woman plunged into an artificial coma and the deceased confined to a freezing container, his family and the authorities still to be notified of the awful news. Soon as the labs were secure, Tony had mumbled something about looking for some of his father's notes on the subject and basically thrown everyone out of the labs - everyone except for Bruce.

Steve hadn't needed to be asked twice.

Still pretty shaken by the events of the night but driven by the hope of seeing Bucky, if only for a moment, he'd fled the Tower and Tony's grief that usually translated into unpredictable temper and hurtful jabs at the people around him.

He didn't know where Clint had disappeared after order had been restored, but he didn't worry; no doubt Natasha was there with him.

* * *

Standing in the hallway of Bucky's building, Steve can hear through the door as clear as if he's standing in the middle of Bucky's apartment. 

This is at least the tenth time he's showing up way later than what they'd agreed on, but every single time Bucky's been perfectly understanding and dismissing Steve's apologies soon as they were uttered. Steve should probably be happy to have found himself such a forgiving lover...

...except that all it does is irritate him to no end.

It's as if whatever Steve does, it can never be wrong. He's being put on that hated pedestal again, not allowed to stand on Bucky's level and look into his eyes and face any kind of disappointment or fury.

Bucky never gives him any fucking sign that he even  _cares._

Steve can't help but wonder if the other man does have any interests in a relationship that goes beyond the physical aspect when Bucky seems to be alright not seeing each other for days in a row. When he never gets jealous or demanding.

When he never shares anything but body heat.

Steve's head hangs low, chin grazing his chest, too heavy with depressing thoughts. More than ever, he's ready for a change in their relationship - and he can only hope that Bucky will be as willing to bring whatever they have to the next level.

_God, how I hope you want it as much as I do._

The soft snoring coming from the other side of the wooden panel is a soothing sound amidst the chaos of Steve's mind. He only has to close his eyes and soon enough, his racing heart has slowed down until it's beating in rhythm with Bucky's breath in, breath out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

His chest grows tight with the shameful, egoistical knowledge that he's about to pull the other man out of his peaceful slumber. God knows Bucky needs some rest after today. But maybe if he doesn't keep Bucky awake for too long, it wouldn't be so bad? They don't need to be discussing everything that's been weighing on Steve's heart  _right now_. It can wait till morning time. Steve simply needs... too see Bucky. To hold him and feel the other man curl around him in return and bring back some warmth in Steve's weary bones. Steve only wants to share a bed tonight, and fall asleep together.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Steve pulls out of his back pocket the spare key Bucky thrust in his palm with a nervous laugh a while ago  _(it's only practical, it doesn't mean I want you to move in my hell hole, don't worry!),_ and lets himself inside trying  _not_ to be too stealthy. Bucky isn't very 'fond' of surprises, and he particularly hates it when Steve appears behind him silent as a ghost.

Steve pushes the door closed after himself and applies enough force behind it that the metallic sound causes Bucky to wake up. The dark haired man does indeed startle up in a sitting position on the couch where he'd been lying in the dark, blanket hanging from around his shoulders and hair a complete mess.

He looks warm and sleepy and absolutely adorable.

Steve turns on the lights overhead with a guilty wince and watches Bucky blink in confusion and shield his eyes with the palm of his hand.

" _Mrhh..._ Steve?"

"Hey. Sorry for waking you up."

"It's fine. What time is it?"

Once his eyes have gotten used to the brightness, Bucky yawns and stretches his arms over his head until his joints pop. Steve's eyes are immediately drawn to the firm lines of Bucky's well-defined chest and arms, clearly visible under the thin shirt that's clinging to his body like a second skin.

That, combined with the rasp of Bucky's voice and the memory of cinnamon scented skin forever imprinted in Steve's mind are enough to arouse him impossibly fast - even for Steve's peculiar metabolism.

Steve clears his throat and shuffles around the living room to conceal his state, face flushed and unmistakable bulge between his legs.

_Fuck, not the time!_

He knows Bucky has work early in the morning, and he himself has to be back to the Tower before dawn to make sure everything's alright, and be Tony's shield in case the authorities come asking questions and sending formal requests to be handed the unknown and dangerous matter. Which, back when SHIELD was still operating would never have happened, protected as the Avengers and their work were from the politicians' curiosity and greed. But now? All bets are of, and if the FBI wants to stir shit up there is no law or administrative barrier protecting their secrets anymore.

So really, he  _cannot_ be thinking of sex right now, not when Bucky looks like he'd die on him from exhaustion. Not when he himself has so much to worry about. 

All of a sudden Steve's jaw drops open and he's yawning, only noticing _now_ how his own body wouldn't be against a good night's sleep. Maybe once they've found a way to deal with the strange matter and everything's back to a relative normal, he can interrogate Bucky all he wants. And Steve still needs to notify the Avengers that they'll  _finally_ be meeting his mystery lover.

"It's almost two. I'm sorry I took so long, I should have called-"

"It's fine," Bucky repeats like a broken record and looks up at him with a soft, understanding look in his eyes. "I was there, I know you were busy with The Avengers."

Annoyance flaring up without a single warning, Steve snaps. "Stop!"

Bucky's smile gradually drops. He frowns.

"What?"

"Stop saying it's fine! Or finding me excuses! _Jesus_ , just... stop!"

"I..." Bucky doesn't finish, simply trailing off like he honestly doesn't know what he was about to say. What he wants to say.

He's now looking at Steve in bewilderment, and it's clear that he's not getting Steve's point at all.

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes tightly shut while he struggles to clear his mind.

* * *

"Bucky," Steve eventually sighs, letting his hand fall at his side and turning to face him. "I thought this could wait, but now I need to know... who do you see when we're together? Steve or Captain America?"

Bucky rubs his chin, then scratches the shadow of a stubble growing over his throat, trying his best to process the question. Why does Steve have to be so intense at two past midnight?

Bucky has no clue what could be upsetting him so much, and he's a bit worried he'll only make things worse if he says the wrong thing.

"Uhhhh," is the smartest answer he can come up with even thought he doesn't feel that drowsy anymore. Steve snapping at him tends to do that.

"I guess," he carries on at Steve's expectant look, "that it's... both? I mean... how the hell am I supposed to dissociate the two? It's, like... it's you and _you?"_

He gestures at Steve and soft laughter spills from his lips because, really, he doesn't know what's going on and this question is simply ridiculous.

But Steve doesn't laugh back. He doesn't even crack a smile. He just goes back to pinching the bridge of his nose like he's facing a dilemma of unseen proportions. And Bucky swallows loudly, all traces of humor evaporating in front of Steve's inexplicable behavior.

"Is this... _are you breaking up with me?"_

Fuck, his voice sounds unnaturally high. Why is it so high?

Maybe because he's trying very hard to keep breathing.

"Buck,  _no_."

Only when the outraged words finally register does Bucky dare take another breath in a loud gasp. Steve is still standing on the other side of the living room, but from the unnervingly focused way he's studying Bucky, and the very apparent rigidity of his body he's clearly holding himself from rushing over to Bucky's side. Bucky peels himself from his blanket and starts folding it with slightly trembling fingers, if only to keep himself occupied somehow.

"I... I want the exact opposite," Steve ventures, quieter than before.

Bucky drops the folded blanket over the back of the couch and stands up. He crosses his arms over his chest, an ingrained habit that makes him feel more in charge of a situation, and usually makes wannabe thugs think twice before messing with him or his partner. It also conceals the tremor in his hands.

"What, um," he clears his throat, and tries again. "What does that mean, then?"

"I want you to meet the Avengers. I want you to be a part of my life, I want you to meet my family and I want to be with you for as long as you allow me to..."

Bucky frowns, but he only does so to stop the tears that threaten to spill. But he doubts Steve is fooled even for a second.

_This is all I want, Steve._

_But, God, I'm too afraid to have it._

"...But I have to know, Bucky... I _have_ to know that what we have," he gestures at the space between them, "is as real to you as it is to me. That I'm not just some Captain America fantasy you're fulfilling. I don't know if we can keep this up if I can never call you my partner... If  _you_ can never see me this way. All I want is for us to be Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes."

His voice has grown soft with the end of his tirade, and tender like a fresh bruise. Clear blue eyes are searching his own frenetically, looking for any kind of reaction to hold on to like a lifeline.

Now would be the perfect time to voice his reservations about meeting the Avengers.

Now would be the  _worst_ time to do it. Because who knows if that wouldn't be the so dreaded last straw? Steve's been waiting for Bucky to come around for almost three months, apparently, looking for a sign Bucky didn't know he was expecting. An actual, real relationship with Steve sounds idyllic, feels like it could make his heart burst and he wouldn't even mind. It's more than he could have dreamed of, and he's got no desire to spoil it.

How much more can Steve wait? How much more self-doubt and reluctance can he take from Bucky before he's truly given up on him?

Bucky sure as hell doesn't want to find out.

So instead, he pretends he's everything the other man wants him to be - worthy of Steve Rogers' love. Worthy of being Captain America's partner. Worthy of standing in the same room as the Avengers and claiming Steve for himself, like he's got every right to have  _so much_.

Fear of loss makes Bucky bury it all deep, deep inside and offer Steve a tentative smile.

"It's real, Steve."

It's not a lie and would never be. But it's not the whole truth, either.

And maybe Bucky's a bit ashamed by the way he crumbles against Steve's chest the moment his arms close around him, but he can care about that later.

* * *

Before they fall asleep in Bucky's broken bed (Steve's renewed offer to replace everything  _they_ have broken at his own expense _only_ is met by the same resounding, no-nonsense refusal as usual), bodies so tightly wrapped around each other Bucky can't tell which limb belongs to whom anymore, he considers confessing.

He really wants to say the words now that he knows without the shadow of a doubt that Steve cares about him; a  _lot_.

But at the same time, saying  _I love you_ right after a fight isn't appealing at all. Bucky wants that moment to be sweet, and to truly mean something. He wants to remember it fondly for the rest of his life, and not worry that Steve would chalk his declaration up to Bucky's current emotional state.

So for the time being he swallows back the words and holds onto Steve tighter, the blond's hard-on nestled between Bucky's thighs both exciting and comforting. But Bucky's too tired to do anything about it, and busy trying not to see too much into the fact that Steve isn't pushing for anything tonight.

They simply lie together and wait for sleep to come, silence and darkness enveloping them like a cocoon.

* * *

Bucky wakes up to the sight of Steve's gloriously naked backside escaping his room in a rush. 

He chuckles and turns the alarm of his phone off. Left alone in his bedroom he stretches and yawns to his heart's content, planning out a visit to Cassie at the end of his shift. Then his mind comes back to the sight of Steve's naked ass and memories of licking his cute hole until Steve's bursting under his tongue come rushing back, making him roll his hips. And when he slides a hand down his stomach and wraps his fingers around himself he thinks of Steve pushing into him, slow but determined and always so fucking good.

He groans, then lets out a startled laugh when another wooden plank breaks under the mattress with a loud  _snap!_

Steve comes rushing back and to Bucky's disappointment, he's got his underwear on this time. 

"What was that?"

Bucky snorts, pulling his hand from under the covers.

"Bed's dying."

Steve opens his mouth but Bucky doesn't even give him a chance to start arguing again. "And you're not buying me a new one. Let it go, already!"

"You... _We_ can't keep sleeping in this thing if it's gonna keep collapsing."

"Maybe I like it better this way, what do you know?" 

Steve rolls his eyes at him, clearly unimpressed. Fortunately, Bucky knows the best way to distract him.

"Come back to bed?"

He rocks his hips, making sure to attract Steve's gaze to his state that the covers barely conceal.

"You have work, and I gotta report back to Avengers Tower."

"Has somebody called?"

Steve looks down at his empty hands, then back up again. "Hm. No."

"Then there's no real urgency, right?"

"But-"

"We have enough time," Bucky assures him as he slithers from underneath the covers and comes to kneel at the edge of the bed.

They haven't been together in such a long time _(Is two weeks considered a long time? Fuck, I don't know anymore),_  that Bucky's memories are starting to feel like they belong to another life.

 _I've missed this_ , he thinks with a small thrill of anticipation as he grabs Steve's ass and pulls him closer; close enough so he can breathe warm and wet into Steve's crotch.

"I've already taken care of it."

Bucky raises an eyebrow at the words and looks up.

"Did you jerk off in my bathroom?"

Steve colors a bit and shrugs, one hand dropping to Bucky's nape, stroking the short hairs with the tips of his callused fingers, like an afterthought. The outline of his half-hard cock is perfectly visible underneath his boxer briefs, though. And Bucky knows he's still got at least five more rounds in him, however spectacular that sounds.

"I was  _right there_ ," Bucky doesn't know why he's so offended by the idea of Steve sneaking out to take care of business, but it really bothers him.

It also brings back his performance anxiety that comes hand-in-hand with being a supersoldier's lover.

"Yes you were, and  _asleep_ ," Steve counters, ever-so patient. "And you're leaving in under an hour."

"But you want me, right?"

"Buck,  _of course I do!"_

"Want me so much it hurts?"

Steve chuckles, but nods anyway, eyes alight with affection and mischief.

 _Want me so much you had to go tug on yourself_ all alone _in my bathroom_ , his mind supplies bitterly, but Bucky chases that thought away before it can spoil the moment.

"Alright. Wanna bet we can get this show over and done with in under thirty?" Bucky asks and before Steve can reply, he leans into him and licks Steve's hard-on from tip to base, pushing  _hard_ with the meat of his tongue and making sure to soak the cotton up.

Steve's hips stutter and a small sound escapes him when Bucky's tongue reaches the seam of his briefs, finally coming in contact with skin.

"Fine, _fine,_   _God,_ stop before... before you make me... _Fuck!"_

Bucky flounders only for a quarter of a second, still not used to Steve's extremely volatile libido. But then the next moment he's shoving Steve's soiled boxer briefs down his thighs and taking his still jerking cock in the burning warmth of his mouth.

Steve keens and finally stills above him with a happy sigh, both hands finding their way into Bucky's disheveled hair.

"Asshole," he finally pants after Bucky's dragged his lips off his cock and given it a farewell kiss. "I told you to... wait...!"

"Why? You always come more times than me. Better get it out of your system before you fuck me properly."

"Oh, because I've ever fucked you  _im_ properly?"

Licking his sticky lips, Bucky slides back further into the caved in bed and winks.

"Never said that. Now, hush and come here."

"Alright," Steve concedes with a smirk. "But we're doing this my way. I want you to be able to sit down today."

" _Fuck_ , okay."

* * *

When Steve spreads the lube over the inside of Bucky's thighs and around his heavy sac, he can feel him shiver from the coldness, which prompts him to rain another wave of kisses down his gorgeous back as an apology. They don't have the time to wait for Steve to warm it up, and frankly Steve's running out of patience when there's Bucky on his hand and knees waiting for Steve to do whatever he wants with him.

"Wait," Bucky grabs his wrist and looks back, face sweat-damp and flushed red. "I… about protection."

Steve drops his forehead on the other's smaller back and chuckles. "You only think of this _now?_ "

Bucky groans underneath him and rocks a little on his knees.

"Sorry, you make me... reckless."

Steve nips at an ass cheek, moving up Bucky's back and settling above him with his nose buried at the base of Bucky's curls.

"I think it's common knowledge that I don't have any diseases. I'm pretty much invincible on that front."

When Bucky twists his neck to catch a glance, Steve kisses the corner of his mouth slow and sweet; placating. And by the end of it Bucky's all but melting underneath him, barely standing on trembling limbs.

"God,  _hurry up and fuck me."_

"Not quite," Steve reminds him.

And to show him exactly what they're going to do instead, he wastes no time finally sliding his rigid cock under Bucky's balls before pushing Bucky's thighs where it's firm with muscle, forcing his legs closed.

"Stop... trying to get the last word," Bucky gasps.

He flexes heavy muscle around Steve's cock, drawing him in and forcing startled groans of ecstasy out of him. Steve pants Bucky's name, or maybe it's something else, and delves a hand between Bucky's thighs to guide himself further between his legs, crushing Bucky's balls and the tip of his cock bumping into the base of Bucky's.

It feels so fucking good he starts thrusting in earnest without meaning to, fucking Bucky's glorious thighs and biting his lips when it becomes too much too soon. It's  _always_ too fucking soon.

He slides over Bucky's balls and comes with a strangled moan. Bucky's sigh sounds like laughter, and Steve feels his hand quickly shoot down and try to cup them both in his palm, catching the last of Steve's seed and smearing it up and all over his own flushed cock.

"Bucky," he breathes into his hair once he's done shaking. "I'm..."

_I'm still so hard for you._

Thank God he doesn't have to say a word anymore before Bucky's tightening around him once again, rocking his hips invitingly, knowing Steve's lack of a refractory period means he won't be left unsatisfied.

"Please, please, please," he's mumbling under his breath, head hung low between his shoulders, whole body rolling rhythmically on the mattress, chasing after his release.

This time Steve closes a hand over the tip of Bucky's cock before carrying on with his thrusts.

* * *

Steve comes for the umpteenth time with a shout, and Bucky fucks his fist with new-found energy until he's cresting again, his second orgasm wringing the last of his energy.

He's still jerking and moaning when his limbs betray him and he falls face first on the bed, right in the spot that's wet with their mingled ejaculate. He makes a face against the mattress, but he's too wrung out to do anything about it. Then there's the equivalent of a truck landing atop him when Steve crashes over his back a moment later, crushing the air out of his lungs.

It takes a while until Bucky's aware of his surroundings again, Steve's warm hands kneading his thighs lovingly, with no expectation or desire to arouse this time around. It feels so good to simply lie there, sweaty and exhausted, mind completely blank, so certain they could stay this way forever if they wanted...

...until he remembers they've got places to go.

"Fuck! What time is it?" He shouts, reluctantly extricating himself from Steve's embrace.

"Late.Which means you lost your bet."

"Shut up and come shower!"

* * *

Bucky's shift is as uneventful as they come. After a couple of hours stuck at his desk pretending to fill out paperwork, he and Luis are back on patrol for the rest of the afternoon.

But instead on focusing on the job, Bucky spends a hell of a lot of time boring holes into Luis' skull, wondering just how much he could tell his partner - if he could tell anything  _at all_. He just needs someone to talk to, to hash things out since Steve seems to be adamant on becoming a permanent fixture in his life.

Luis is bound to find out, eventually. So why not tell the guy now?

"Man, I swear to God if you don't shut up I'm kicking your ass outta this car."

Bucky startles, but Luis' already parked the patrol car and is now staring at him expectantly from the driver's seat, arm draped over the wheel.

"I didn't say a damn thing."

"I could hear you think loud enough. It's giving me a migraine."

"Uhhh... well, thing is..."

Luis makes a 'go on' sound, visibly suspecting something serious' been up with Bucky for a while, and Bucky's immensely grateful he's waited so long to start pushing. A week ago he'd have refused to say a word.

"I've been seeing someone. For a while. A little over three months, actually."

"This a guy we're talking about, right?" Luis asks, eyes narrowing like he's suspecting Bucky of changing teams while he wasn't looking. "That 'someone' is really confusing me right now."

"Yes, it's a man. You can relax, I'm still gay."

"Nice."

Bucky snorts, rubbing a hand over his sweaty forehead.

"So, this guy. You serious 'bout him?"

He knows the smile that spreads over his lips probably gives it all away before he's even opened his mouth to answer, but he says it anyway.

"Yeah."

Luis nods with an impressed pout.

"About damn time, if you ask me. You gotta bring him next time or the wife will have my cojones."

"Yeah, er, about that... I don't know how he feels about being seen with me yet. I mean, apart from going to the gym together, we haven't really-"

"He in the closet? Shit, that sucks, man."

Bucky shakes his head, conscious of the fact that he's beating around the bush but unable to blurt it out like he wants to. He knows Luis. If the guy doesn't get the proper warm up beforehand he's bound to freak out. And when Luis freaks out it never ends well for neither of them.

"Let's say he's famous. Like, a  _lot_."

Luis sniffs, disdainful.

"Like, politician-kinda famous?"

"Try... superhero?"

Luis' eyes go round, and he gapes for a full minute.

Bucky's holding his breath the entire time, wishing this whole thing would be over already.

But then, "YOU'RE FUCKING CAPTAIN AMERICA."

* * *

After clocking out, on their way to the hospital (Luis' been coming along over the past few months since Cassie woke up) Bucky's the subject of Luis full attention, to the point that they almost drive into the same no-way street multiple times. Bucky's always admired his partner's talent for holding an interrogatory, but now that it's directed at him he's feeling sorry for the poor law breakers. 

By the time they've reached Cassie's room Luis knows almost everything from the place Steve and Bucky first met to the last thing they told each other the same morning at Bucky's door before exchanging one last, hurried kiss.

He even managed to get Bucky to share his performance anxiety when it comes to Steve's enhanced metabolism, and how he's afraid he won't always be able to keep up. If he's _ever_ been capable of that feat.

"Hey, peanut!" Luis greets the little girl in the hospital bed, using one of Scott's preferred nicknames for her, and goes to hug her with a nod to her father sitting next to her in his armchair.

Bucky smiles fondly when the two men hug and pat each other's back affectionately over Cassie, wondering what they must look like whenever they're here, three men and a little girl wrapped in bandages. They must make the nurses talk, that's for sure.

Cassie's collarbone's been shattered during the attack a while back but she's woken up only three weeks ago, and it's still in the process of healing. The doctor's diagnosis is that she's been through the worst and now that she's out of coma there's nothing that could jeopardize her full recovery. As for the bullet wound, it's going to leave a scar and, thank God, nothing else.

It's probably the best fucking news Bucky's heard over the past year. Nothing beats the knowledge that he's done some good in this world, and a little girl will get to live despite the horrors she's been through.

"Bucky!" She squeals in delight when she notices him, arms raised high above her head, fingers wiggling impatiently.

Bucky quickly answers her unspoken request and wraps his arms around the fragile little body, holding her close while she giggles happily.

"Hey, so, can we tell Scotty?"

Luis sits on the edge of the bed, purposefully close to Scott, and both look up at him expectantly.

"Tell me what?"

Bucky glares at Luis, who dares to look as innocent as he can get.

_Oh, you Judas._

"I guess it's fine," he sighs, hand going to stroke Cassie's pigtails.

If Steve wants him to meet the Avengers, he sees no harm in  _his_ friends being informed, too. Then the thought of Steve meeting Luis and Scott worms its way into his brain and he almost laughs at how... incongruous that sounds.

But he can't pretend it wouldn't be very nice, too. And Bucky would love for Steve to meet Cassie, and fall in love with the little girl as much as Bucky did.

"He's dating Captain America," Luis blurts out now that he's given him permission, like he's been holding it in for the past 24 hours.

Scott's reaction is very similar to Luis', except that he seems incapable of forming a single word after that bomb has dropped.

"Captain America," Cassie pipes up against his chest in the sudden quiet. "I love 'im!"

Bucky smiles, and keeps stroking her hair.

"Don't we all, sweetheart."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, etc etc. Bucky vs. The Avengers happens next chappy *eyes emoji*


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not an update. This is the end. Many soz. I mean it's also kind of an update but it's like a skinny update. Like an AO3 scam. Like the last, desperate attempt to give this story a humane death. What the fuck am I even saying at this point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some genius in the comments here (or maybe on the other fic that I'm terminating the same way) proposed once that I post the bullet points summary of the fic rather than abandon it. They could sense I was gonna give up I guess. Good instincts lmao.
> 
> ANYWAY: I'm sorry for giving up, but it's been such a long time since I started this story, and although I had sort of a plot figured out, I've kind of lost all desire to finish this story, and it's been this way for a while, now. I was just unwilling to admit it to myself, I guess. Especially when the kudos & comments kept coming, and I kept thinking "I owe them a chapter now, I can't just leave."
> 
> lol, amirite
> 
> So here's the bullet points, this is everything I can remember planning out. Sorry it had to end this way, I mean it's not a big tragedy but it's still upsetting when you care for a story and it just... lets you down at the end. Worst feeling ever. I feel ya, okay. 
> 
> And sorry @Mead, I was so excited to dedicate this story to you, who's been so passionate about this one & kept sending me motivational memes almost on a daily basis. Dude, you're awesome. I'm sorry I let you down <3

* * *

Over the course of the next few days, Steve steps up his courting game, and Bucky doesn't know if he likes the change or if he's too terrified to tell either way.

The Avengers have all remained in town after some obscure incident at the Tower was reported in the media. Bucky heard there were bodies found, and grew concerned about the safety of his lover. But every time he tried to get some information out of Steve he was met with patient, but silent exasperation. So he stopped prying. 

But whatever the current situation at Avengers Tower, what Bucky knows for certain is the team's in New York, and that Steve has apparently decided this is his chance to atone for all the time spent apart because the world needed saving more than Bucky needed a date.

So he comes to pick Bucky up after work, every day without fail, parking his Harley-Davidson right in front of the police station and sauntering inside the place as if he's been doing this for the past ten years or so.

If Bucky used to keep his sexuality strictly private at the office, it quickly became a well-known  _fact_ amidst his colleagues that he was gay. And also, that he was dating Steve Rogers.

To his utter surprise, however, after the initial shock of the revelation had worn off, everyone seemed to accept the news without any riots breaking up in the hallways. There were a few tears, a couple of requests for selfies that Steve gracefully declined and then... that was it. After the captain ordered everyone not supposed to be at work at this hour to get the hell out, it had been over. 

Bucky couldn't deny it had been unbelievably hot to watch Steve make his way through the small crowd with his eyes almost constantly on Bucky, knowing perfectly well that  _he_ was the endgame. He wanted to feel like this everyday.

It had also been their first _proper_  outing in public, even if none of what had transpired at the station ever made it to the media. That factor of unknown catastrophe still waiting to happen made this experience also mildly terrifying. Who knew what the tabloids would make of them once their relationship finally became public knowledge. And who knew how Steve would take to being labeled something that evoked in some people only hatred and disgust, simply for dating someone like Bucky. A man.

_"It's real, Steve."_

But Bucky has said that. He had given Steve hope.

* * *

  * On a random day, Luis asks Bucky why he seems so nervous lately, and Bucky admits he doesn't especially appreciate the attention in his precinct now that he's so openly out. After a back and forth with Luis, they come to the conclusion that Bucky will hate being in the public eye the day his relationship with Steve Rogers is revealed. 
  * Steve comes to get Bucky for the Avengers get-together. Bucky is extremely nervous in the car, and Steve keeps glancing at him and wondering what's up. He thought Bucky would be more excited about the prospect now that they're truly going to be together, and he's feeling disappointed.
  * Bucky almost asks Steve to stop the car, he's so anxious about measuring up to all those larger-than-life characters.
  * Bucky is extremely awkward during the party, and eventually sticks to Bruce's side mostly because he's the quietest one. Clint glares a lot (he cares about Steve's well-being and lowkey disapproves of Bucky). Natasha is polite but distant, and Tony and Thor come a little too strong with the camaraderie. 
  * In the end Bruce and Bucky are in the kitchen, and somehow Bucky gets "stage fright" or whatever and downplays his relationship with Steve (tells Bruce they're just casual, it's nothing too big, just please stop scrutinizing us, blabla).  **You'd think with all the time I had, I'd have come up with something better. Sighs.**
  * Clint overhears, comes to grab a beer, brushes briskly past Bucky and goes to tell Natasha.
  * Natasha tells Tony.
  * And it all just naturally reaches Steve, and the entire party becomes awkward, and Bucky eventually senses it, too.
  * They leave the Avengers Tower with Bucky feeling like crap, and Steve furious.
  * They don't talk in the car, and the entire time Bucky tries to speak up but loses his courage. He's worried that his unwillingness to fight for this relationship may mean it's just doomed, and he should just let Steve (and all the problems he would have brought into Bucky's life) walk away.
  * Once at Bucky's place Steve all but kicks Bucky out the car. Bucky attempts a valiant "I'll call you" but Steve doesn't reply and just drives away.
  * **A few days pass, I guess.**
  * The ceremony to reward Bucky & Luis' bravery (cf. chap 1) is approaching, but Bucky's completely depressed and thinking of being a no-show that day (which pisses Luis off). 
  * On the other side, Steve's doing his regular 'visit a hospital and take pictures with the children' kinda gig, cus he doesn't take those as soulless promotional events but genuine ways to reach out to the people and give them hope. He of course meets Cassie, and he's about to go when he notices the pictures on her wall. Or more exactly, the one with her, her dad and Bucky. Throat so tight he can barely speak, Steve asks her if she knows that man, and cue Cassie retelling the story of the shooting at the bakery and how brave Bucky had been, and how much she loves him.
  * Steve sits down next to her and finally dares poking at the sore spot inside his chest where Bucky used to be. He's been trying his best to forget all that made being with Bucky so amazing, but it's all coming back now and he regrets losing his temper after the party. He considers giving Bucky one last chance.
  * **That night**
  * Bucky is patrolling a street, on foot, when Steve joins him in full Captain America gear. They've barely gotten past the awkwardness when a cat burglar lands at their feet.
  * It's fucking Scott Lang.
  * Bucky: "...Scott?" Scott: "hey, man! Fancy meeting you here." Steve: "wait, you _know_ this guy?"  **hashtag hilarious**
  * Implied that Scott explained his dire financial situation to them and that they forced him to get back all he stole and accept a loan (not a gift) from Steve to cover Cassie's hospital bills.
  * Steve and Bucky go on public dates after Steve proposes they start over. Bucky tells him in a very busy café that he'd rather forever remain anonymous, but that he'd also rather be on every cover of every trashy tabloid than without Steve. Some cheesy lines about would rather suffer with you than have a painless life without. Steve reminds him that because he's a public figure doesn't mean the bad publicity and gossip aren't as much of a pain in the ass for him, too. 
  * At some point they were going to buy a cock ring for Steve. **Dammit. It'd have been great to write that.**
  * There was some kind of resolution planned with Cassie meeting all the Avengers and Bucky redeeming himself in their eyes.
  * After all that, they get noticed by the paparazzi and the first stories are coming out, unflattering for Bucky as expected, but they make fun of them together and eventually know they'll be all right.
  * The day of Luis and Bucky's ceremony is here and Steve has offered to participate without warning Bucky (and to the mayor's delight bc free publicity stunt).
  * He's the one who awards Bucky's medal and kisses him in public.
  * _Le Fin_



**All things considered, you didn't miss out much lmao. It's kind of a boring story, with a boring ending. Thanks for reading & commenting while it still lasted, though. It was fun!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: Thank you to everyone leaving the nicest comments on this chapter, I'm so relieved nobody's mad :'D


End file.
